THE YEAR 3000!

A nice Sunday.

2007-09-16T13:17:00.000-05:00

Well today I had a very nice breakfast with a person of interest.

Iraq

2007-09-15T12:40:00.000-05:00

Well, my views on the Iraq war have long been absent from this blog, mostly because I do not update nearly often enough to make this blog relevant to casual observers. However I read a blog entry by Glenn Greenwald of www.salon.com which I think neatly encapsulates something that I've been ruminating on for the past six years. Mainly, the leadership of the United States isn't shouldering its share of the load. I refer you to this link.

Bush and his amigos have always been rather insistent on the Churchill/Chamberlain analogy of why the US has to be in Iraq (while at the same time, you never hear about Afghanistan which is a military I action I do support, but has lost its intended impact because I feel that it has been starved of troops and funding), but I think it should be recalled that when Churchill lost his post as First Lord of the Admiralty he enlisted in the army and went to go fight on the front lines of France as a Lt. Colonel and nearly lost his life on several occasions. You think Bill Kristol would even think of doing something like that (he probably wouldn't be allowed as I reckon he wouldn't pass the physical)?

Of all American federal legislators only ONE has a child in Iraq. Mitt Romney, a serious contender for the White House in 2008 said that the service of his five sons TO GET HIM ELECTED is equitable to military service...

Right.

So why do the legislators let it continue? Contrary to opinion polls that are cited, most Americans oppose the military action in Iraq and want to see a withdrawal from an intractable conflict that has cost 30,000 casualties dead and wounded. In terms of most wars, that is mere pocket change. I say this not to trivialize the sacrifice of all those servicemen but rather to draw attention to the fact that in a just struggle, this butcher's bill would be an incredibly low price to pay when compared to similar wars throughout the ages. However, in pursuit of a flawed and dishonest cause even one death is grossly immoral and should carry with it the acrimony and disgust that only history can bestow and the American congress and senate shall justifiably be included that judgment along with the executive branch and it's neo-conservative supporters.

-Billy

2007-07-21T12:37:00.000-05:00

Hey all,

Quick update.

Yes, I'm still working at MacOdrum Library and it's still alot of fun.

Yes, I'm finally going to go see Pan's Labyrinth on Thursday August 2nd.

It's my brother Andrew's birthday on Monday, so Happy Birthday Andrew.

I added a new link to my links menu, it's the blog of my favourite cousin Val who is teaching English in Taiwan to little children. Little, little children.

Big News! My first solo poetry reading will be Sunday, July 29th at the Dusty Owl reading series. It will take place at Swizzles bar and grill at 241b Queen Street. It starts at 5 and ends at 8 pm. Alcohol will be served and I will be selling CD's for $12. Please bring as many of your mates as possible.

As evidenced by previous posts, I'm currently in between relationship partners right now.

Jonner got back from England, so we've been hangin' some. Rob and Jonny get back from Turkey in about a week's time, so we'll party it up right then.

That's about it my lads. Write more later,

-Billy

Unfair

2007-07-02T14:49:00.001-05:00

For the past 5 days I have been sick, and as a result, I missed seeing old friends I haven't seen in months on Canada Day. My Canada Day consisted of hacking up snot and being miserable.

Of all times...

2007-06-15T17:15:00.001-05:00

I have graduated with an Honours History BA with a minor in Classical Civilization. I also was awarded 'Highest Honours'.

Today was a good day.

2007-05-27T13:32:00.000-05:00

I do believe I've had the most excellent weekend. It was filled with poetry, improv, playing with Border Collies and going dancing with my friends, in addition to not 1, not 2, but 3 chance encounters with Ms. Harding throughout the length of the day, all instances in which I was sitting down.

No update for awhile, SORRY!

2007-05-20T09:53:00.000-05:00

Hey mates,

So... Yeah, I originally intended this particular blog to be a vehicle to sell merchandise, but it kinda didn't work out like that.

For one thing, my erratic school schedule often meant I had an unusual sleep schedule, varying in length each day, and sometimes by location (nuff said), so making regular blogposts was unfeasible. Secondly, as an offshoot of a busy academic life, filled with class, assigned readings, essays and studying for exams, I also got a job at the library to kickstart my career in Library Science and Information Management, which further reduced my spare time. I barely had any time to attend the poetry shows I usually went to anyways, so putting up blogposts advertising them was not really an option and since nobody knows about the blog anyways, I figured this was best used as a sparsely updated forum on what was going on in my life whenever I felt like telling people about it.

Still, if given the chance, I don't refer people to the blog, I actually tell them in person. I like conversation, which is another reason I don't update very often.

So, here I am, ready to tell you some items of interest in my life.

1. Set up a clandestine Improv Troupe during the summer from my CIA compatriots. Now since I'm no longer a CIA member, this is not an official CIA operation, so we're just bumming around practicing... or at least we would be if we could arrange to meet. Everyone is going home on the weekends, or working. We all want to practice (James, Alex, David and I), but the doing of it is hard. On the side, I'm trying to get us a 20 minute set for Ravenswing 2007 this Saturday (May 26th).

2. I'm performing poetry at Ravenswing 2007 (May 26th) at Minto Park in between Elgin and Cartier. The event runs from 10 am to 6pm and will feature arts and crafts, poetry, comedy, free and purchasable literature, visual and audio art and all the good stuff that makes Carleton University such and artistic place. Organized by our good friend Festrell and the folks at Sound Mind (Carleton's only post-modern, highly f-ed up comedy zine)

3. Made the Capital Slam Semi-finals but I washed out and did not make the Finals. Despite the fact that I got like, scores in the 9's. Highest. Scoring. Crowd. Ever! It was almost ridiculous. However, I got up there and said what I wanted to say, performed what I wanted to perform and expressed what I wanted to express, and had a damn fine time doing it with all my friends in the Capital Poetry Collective (Adrian Harewood from CBC's all-in-a-day was there too! In fact, he hosted it!). I also picked up a bunch of CBC pins. They were just giving them away.

4. It's hard to express yourself to someone that you are romantically interested in when you can't string two words together coherently in their presence. It also doesn't help when you've tried to do so on two previous occasions and been politely turned down. Sometimes, you just have to admit it's a lost cause and move on.

5. Working fulltime at MacOdrum Library, and it rocks out loud. I also was able to arrange for my fellow im'prov'er Alex Glover to get a job in my department. Too bad I couldn't get one for Claire... she had to move back to Guelph to find work because she couldn't find some here. But she's back at the car dealership, so that's good news.

6. I've come to the conclusion my wardrobe sucks. At least my summer wear anyways. I've been wearing the same things for like... 6 years now. That's good, for like the environment and my wallet and stuff because I'm consuming less (I guess) but still... I should probably dress like I'm not in High School anymore. Thinking of buying some nice button-up shirts with collars. Then I could be relatively well dressed without having to wear a tie. Also, need new jeans.

7. I've decided that I'm going hiking in Scotland, and that I am going to climb the Devil's Staircase. Also, maybe check out the cave Robert the Bruce hid in. Awesome.

8. Still like children, but remain a harsh taskmaster.

9. Found my Rooster's FROSH travel mug. I am relieved because I thought I had lost it. Ahhh, first year of university... good times... bad times... times I'll never forget... times I've already forgotten.

10. Was on John Akpata's Monday Night Scribes on CHUO 89.1 FM on Monday night. It rocked out loud. Promoted the CD and read some Poetry. Billy's in the place, gonna rock your face.

11. In talks with Dusty Owl to do a reading. Andrew from Mudsharkaudio and I are going to work out the final payment arrangements now that I've sold some CD's (by the by, Andrew is very professional and fair in arranging payment and recording time if anyone is interested in recording a spoken word or music CD, truly he is the King of Kings [of recording]).

12. Now that I have a fulltime job, I find that I'm sleeping, eating and generally living better. The freedom of school is nice... for about a year or so. Then it just becomes unhealthy. Students work so GD hard to get their education and no one should say that they don't. If they say students don't work hard, then they must have forgotten how hard it is to think. A university student (the arts people anyways) have to constantly be thinking, analyzing, deconstructing and theorizing on what documents/scholars/narratives/primary sources/assorted records/contemporary and historical events say, what they don't say, what they include, what they exclude, who is writing it for whom, what's in between the lines, what they condone, what they condemn and they have to do it in such a way as to consider all interpretations, analyses and criticisms while also remaining Quote-Unquote "fair" (possibly the greatest lie ever told). Maths, sciences and engineering students (along with people who might just happen to be in an intensive career path such as nursing [I know 3 people who have done this]) of course, have to be 100% correct in everything they do and empirically verify everything, working hard to make life more decent for average folk such as ourselves. So yeah, students f-ing work hard.

And don't forget it, you ungrateful louts.

13. I've swung more to the left in my political views. I still believe in balanced budgets, but that's pretty much the only conservative thing I believe in anymore (well traditionally conservative thing anyways, George Bush and his friends seem to love spending money and incurring 4 trillion dollars in debt, a great deal of which is owed to China, quite a feat seeing as how in 2000 they had a surplus that was measured in Billions of dollars). Fiscal solvency rocks out loud.

14. On a completely unrelated note, when Gaius Caligula assumed the Principate as Princeps (he would later show that he was not first among equals as the title implies) he had a treasury packed with gold, mostly as a result of his Uncle Tiberius' competant fiscal policy (I say competant and not good, or excellent, because under Tiberius nothing new was undertaken, what was already in place was maintained or allowed to go to seed and all distinction between the privy purse and the public treasury vanished. That being said, grain still flowed, the legions remained paid and the common people had very little to worry about). Within about 2 years, the legions were unpaid, the public treasury was bankrupt and Caligula was in debt for millions of sesterces. He engaged upon a series of ill-fated and highly farcical military adventures, terrified and alienated his people and foreign allies, killed those who fortunes he wanted without trial, packed his inner circle with dancers, actors, courtesans and toadies with absolutely no governing experience or potential, while elevating his horse to senatorial status (according to Suetonius) and downgrading the senate to a terrified lump of old men who never spoke out and instantly ratified all his decisions immediately for fear of death, disgrace and confiscation. He met his end when his Praetorian Prefect Cassius Charaea got fed up with constantly being called womanish and homosexual as a joke among Caligula's cronies and stabbed him to death in a theatre during a festival with his officers. Cassius Charaea incidentally, led 80 men out of the Teutoburg forest, fighting their way through an entire German army after Varus' 3 legions were annihilated, was a decorated war hero and had once carried little Gaius Caligula on his back when he was two years old when he was with his father, the General Germanicus during his campaigns on the Rhine.

He was executed by Germanicus' brother and Gaius' uncle Claudius who felt that the assasination of an Emperor set a bad precedent, especially if the assassins were rewarded. Claudius expanded and governed the empire admirably for a man who was physically disabled and had been treated as an outcast his whole life. After 5 years of decay, military stagnation and financial suicide, the Empire needed such a man.

But I lost my thread...

15. Speaking as a historian and an aspiring librarian, I have to say that G. W. Bush is the worst president since Andrew Johnson (Lincoln's successor). In fact, he's even worst. Johnson at least taught himself to read. You know what they say about the Constitution of the United States? They say it was written by geniuses so that it could be followed by idiots. Too bad they didn't take into consideration that one day the people might elected someone who was retarded on the basis of 'wanting to sit down and have a beer with him'. And people say France is F-ed up.

Ok, I'm done talking.

-Billy

har har!

2007-04-29T17:48:00.000-05:00

Done undergrad forever.

Let the inappropriate acts of celebration commence. Speaking of which, I highly recommend Hot Fuzz. It is quite the good movie.

Exams

2007-04-24T18:34:00.001-05:00

All my sit down exams are Complete. Now all I have to do is bang out a 6 page takehome and I'm free and clear.

Cry War, Ruin, Destruction and Decay... the worst of these are Exams... and Exams shall have their day...

2007-04-17T19:23:00.001-05:00

That's right folks, this here one be about them darn exams.

Bloody awful nonsense really.

Before I get into the nit-n'-gritty though, I'd like to remind you to attend Stick's absolutely BITCHIN' event - 'Soul Selecta Saturdays' hosted by our most righteous of artists Saxon and Te Tuhn. They put the Sex in Sexy Party, by which I mean they are excellent spinners, and nothing else... *wink* You can see these gentlemen of the Trance at Brixton's Pub on Sparks Street on April 28th, from 10 to 3. They will r0x0r your b0x0rs (according to people on the internet that is...).

So, apparently, I've got some hyper-tension. boo. Boo-urns! What this means is that I got absolutely no sleep last night and I'm 'over-tired.' Or at least according to everyone I have talked to today, who commonly went on in the same fashion more or less, just wit' different words. Personally, I just think I'm tired out from rocking the Eff out!

I don't give this hyper-tension stuff much truck, I reckon it's just an amalgam of words designed to make me feel like I'm somehow disabled. Which, as anyone will tell you, I am not. I am dying to stay awake so I can go to bed at a decent hour tonight, and not go to bed at like... 9 pm and wake up at 2 am and not be able to get back to sleep until 6, which has happened in the past.

But I digress...

Yeah, so exams are usually a pushover, but since I'm dead tired and desiring to establish a halfway normal sleep pattern (you know, a standard eight hours, out of bed by 7 am, at work for 9), I'm just effed for studying. It's like trying to translate Greek from Latin from Eygptian Hieroglyphs from Martian. It just ain't happening broheims.

So if anyone has a super-intelligent dopple-ganger, or perhaps some form of cloning machine that replicates a 12-hour "quick-clone" that has all my knowledge and abilities, to take the exam for me, I reckon I'm generally more or less effed up the A. Whoopee.

However, in much more happy news, I am nearing the end of my undergrad which is a delightful mix of pride in my accomplishments and abject terror in what my future is going to be. Oh, to be a first year again... that was the life, except more fornication would have been nice.

In actual good news though, I had a bitching time at Saxon and Te Tuhn's Soul Selecta Saturday at Brixton's pub last weekend and am eagerly looking forward to the next which, apparently, will feature 'debauchery', whatever that entails (actual debauchery I hope, the kind with fornicating).

Hope to see you there.

Up the Empire, Down with Exams!!!

New Look

2007-04-05T02:29:00.000-05:00

I shaved. Apparently, I no longer look like some kind of poor lil' puppy, but actually resemble a "good guy". Someone else's words.

It's weird, but after 5 and a half years, I felt it was time for a change. My face is f-ing freezing whenever I walk outside though.

2007-03-25T13:15:00.000-05:00

Everyone, Carleton and McGill

Well, I've got some news, and some bad news, and good news.

This post is rumour control. Everyone may have heard something, but this is going to be a concise and complete account of what happened last night. I wish to stress that this is a blame-free message. I also state that this is not a post meant for stressed out people, or people likely to react to bad news.

I'll do the news first. We had a great performance at McGill this year, and I can say with certainty that it was my best show, in great part due to the fact that I had an excellent team with me. I'd also like to state that the CIA was at the top of its game. While we didn't make it to the Finals, I proudly announce that we dominated the All-Star round.

Now the bad news, I hope you're sitting down for this one.

Last night, about 3 km from the Quebec/Ontario border, we had an accident. The road was slippery and the car, when trying to come along on a turn, came through some slush on the the road and hydroplaned onto the shoulder. I was unable to maintain control of the car and we veered into the medium, planing from side to side. We rotated about 90 degrees, at which point, the car rolled on it's side 360 degrees once and then flipped again onto its roof.

The good news: THERE WERE NO INJURIES. WE ARE ALL SAFE.

We're alive everyone. A fact we owe to wearing our seatbelts, good luck and the grace of God.

And I wish to say this, second only to the fact that we are all unhurt, that the car was nothing but a collection of metal, glass and fabric. It did its job and its safety features kept us alive. I don't want anyone to feel bad about it, it was just a thing, not a person.

Improv has been my only steady activity for the past four years. As such, I have come to see my teammates as my best friends. Nothing was more apparent to me last night than the fact that I could have gotten some of the most important people in my life killed, and that is something I will never forget. This was an accident everyone, it was due to the poor road conditions and I don't want anyone to think that they are in anyway to blame.

Incidentals: The car was insured with a comprehensive package. All that could be taken away was removed from the trunk, glovebox, etc by my Father and I. A police report has been filed and the insurance company has been notified.

I would now like to take this time to attest to the character and strength of the people in the car with me. They deserve great credit for addressing themselves in a calm, orderly and positive manner. Claire, Chris, James and David are among my dearest friends now for the ordeal we have gone through, and I hope that with this bonding experience between us, that we'll always hold each other close to our hearts.

I have some things I would like to say to each person personally, but I'll leave that for a face-to-face meeting.

The trip back to Ottawa is not very exciting. After being helped by some good samaritans who stopped to see if we were alright, we called the emergency services who came with a tow truck and ambulance. We were evaluated and found to have no injuries and the police filed a report. We were driven to the town of Rigaud near the bordor were the officers were kind enough to leave us at the local 24 hour Tim Hortons where we had some time to relax, play with the beach deck of cards and work through our experience. My father arrived in the other car to meet us there and Kim's parents arrived to pick up Claire, David, Chris and James. My father and I remained in Rigaud to get some things from the car and talk to the tow truck driver. We then returned to Ottawa.

So now you know the whole story.

That is all I have to write at this moment. McGill, thank you for inviting us this year, except for the car crash, I can honestly say I had an awesome time, especially with all the hugs and kisses you were handing out. Yowza Yowza. If you need a place to stay in Ottawa, you know who to call.

-Billy Ruffian, alive and well.

2007-03-14T00:47:00.001-05:00

Women, man. They'll really hurt you. No matter how hard you try, you'll always be second best.

Meditations

2007-01-14T15:04:00.000-06:00

This post is, in part, about my own attempts to grieve over Michael's death, reconcile myself to life without him and celebrate the great impact he had on our lives. Aunt Sue, if you are reading this, well... I'll do my best to faithfully represent all that was great about your son and I hope you aren't upset by anything you read here.

~~~~~~~

I was clearing out my emailbox when I stumbled upon a note written by Michael before he died. Now, I know some people who keep emails from people who are deceased, because they think its important. I can understand letters, like actual tangible written material. But not emails. I started reading it and after the first line, I stopped. I said to myself, don't do this to yourself and I deleted it.

Originally, I had a different reason for this post, and it now follows.

My Great uncle Jimmy and I don't really have a relationship. I don't remember much about him and what I do remember from my childhood is a man who is hard of hearing, often spoke in confusing terms and I was actually sort of scared of. That feeling kept with me all the way until Michael's funeral.

My Great Uncle Jimmy is a man. An elderly man who is just as frail and corporeal as I am. In this difficult time, I saw the actual man that Uncle Jimmy really is, someone who was falling prey to the timeless disease of Age and was losing his capacities like all elderly people do. Yet, from his lips there was truth. I remember him saying to me, in the clearest of terms, "I've been to alot of funerals, but this one affected me the most, because I watched him grow up and he was so young."

Of all the things that were said, that stuck with me the most. And I think that reflects the tragic nature of Michael's passing.

As I ruminated on this, I was reminded of the words of the writer F. Scott Fitzgerald who said, "Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy."

Well, while Michael's end was tragic, his life was by no means a tragedy and I'll tell you, he certainly was heroic. I think that it is important to remember that not all courage is loud, and that bravery is not a function of firepower. I can only barely conceive the depths of moral fiber and personal greatness that is required to fight such a horrible disease as CF for so long and defy all the odds to live as long as Michael lived. Not only did he live longer than everyone expected him to, he lived WELL.

W-E-L-L.

That, my friends, is exceptionally hard to do. And yet he made it seem so easy. I think that the key to Michael's greatness is that he always made you feel as if you were part of a group, but that his relationship to you was special. Many people remarked on that at his funeral.

Whatever it was... the magic touch, his sense of humour, whatever, Michael was able to touch us and teach by example. I, for one, would have never had the impetus to look past my frightened views of Uncle Jimmy to see the generally kind man that he actually was. Even in death, Michael taught me a lesson in kindness.

And that is his most important legacy to me personally.

~~~~~~~

-Billy Ruffian

Back

2007-01-06T23:05:00.000-06:00

I wish to never be a pall bearer again, as long as I live.

My heart felt as heavy as lead.

Yet, in a very meaningful sense, I was honoured to carry Michael home.

Sad tidings

2007-01-01T16:27:00.000-06:00

I regret to report that after a long and hard battle with Cystic Fibrosis, time has run out for my cousin Michael. He has been removed from life support and he is too weak for a transplant. My family is united in our love for this wonderful person who made a unique and positive emotional difference in all our lives.

He was a good man, a kind man. A man who fought hard every day of his life like a warrior. He was a man you'd be proud to be in the same family with. He was a man with many friends.

I shall do my best to honour Michael's memory by living well and by remembering the good times we shared as adults and as men whenever we were together.

God bless him.

Tonight!

2006-12-14T13:47:00.000-06:00

Here's some info on upcoming shows tonight and later in January!

MP3's are coming soon.

December Slam: Jill Binder edition

7:00 PM Thursday, December 14th at the Thirsty Scholar - 126.5 York St in the market

Jill Binder whispers, sings, screams, and feels her words. She's been published in a number of places including 2 self-published chapbooks: "Broken Feathers" (launched and sold out in 2001) and her upcoming book, "The Morbid Book of Haiku." Her real love though is performing her poetry on stages, which she's been doing since 2000 shortly after leaving Ottawa where she grew up. She's read all over Canada and the U.S., dabbled a little on stages in Bermuda and the U.K., and only recently read once in Ottawa to break her run of reading everywhere but her hometown. She is extremely excited to be featuring in Ottawa where she can show her hometown folks what she can do, and this will be a very special show for her emotionally. Her other love is running shows and poetry series, most notably of which was "WordPlay: Poetry/Music Fusion Playtime" for over a year. Check her out at http://jillbinder.com and http://jillbinder.coffeehouse.ca

Come check her out! Also, if you are a poet or want to start performing your work come out and get into the event for free! This is how we encourage creativity. The sign up for the open mic and the slam begins at 7pm. Come early to get on the list! The show starts at 8pm.

This is an all ages event. We can't wait to hear what you've got.

January Slam: rob mclennan edition

Time and date to be announced as the Thirsty Scholar is closing

A special treat for all you Ottawa Literary Fans featuring the prolific and talented rob mclennan.
The author of twelve trade poetry collections, he has two more due to appear in spring 2007. His poetry, fiction and critical work has appeared in over one hundred journals and anthologies in eleven countries and three languages, and he is the editor/publisher of above/ground press and the long poem magazine STANZAS, the online critical journal Poetics.ca and the Ottawa poetry annual ottawater.
He edits and has edited several book series, journals and is a cofounder of the Ottawa-based literary house Chaudiere Books, he co-ordinates readings and launches throughout Ottawa, as well as the semi-annual ottawa small press book fair. In 1999, he won the Canadian Authors' Association/Air Canada Award for most promising writer in any genre in Canada under 30.
A member of The League of Canadian Poets, the Peter F. Yacht Club writing group and the Glengarry Historical Society, he is currently completing a novel (or three), editing a series of critical collections for Guernica Editions on the works of Canadian writers George Bowering, John Newlove and Andrew Suknaski, editing a new edition of selected poems by Andrew Suknaski, editing a collection of essays and reviews by Andrew Suknaski, putting the finishing touches on a collection of literary essays to appear with ECW Press in 2007, and working on a non-fiction book for Arsenal Pulp Press, Ottawa: The Unknown City.
His online home is at www.track0.com/rob_mclennan, and he often posts reviews, essays, rants and other nonsense on his blog.
If you think that's an impressive mouthful come check out what rob has got to say in person!

2006-12-09T12:06:00.001-06:00

Ok, yeah, hi.

So this isn't an update, but hopefully I'll have a MYspace set up soon so you can listen to my poetry samples free of charge, and maybe like to buy a copy?

Talk to you, VERY SOON.

Update the 3rd (hopefully) installment

2006-12-02T13:05:00.000-06:00

I owe you all an update.

As soon as time allows, consider it done.

The fulfillment of Purpose

2006-10-31T19:26:00.001-06:00

Peoples of the World,

This blog was originally created, way back last year, as a vehicle to promote my CD, that was at the time, in the works.

The time has come for this ol' blog to fulfill its purpose.

It's time.

FOR THE RELEASE:

For Immediate Release,

Billy Ruffian and Mudsharkaudio are pleased to present: Billy Ruffian's "The Savage Gentleman".

Combining a deep love of his origins with the love of his country, Billy Ruffian presents a coherent and thematic work of art that challenges the listener to question the nature and justifications of war through motivated poetry and good ol' fashioned Canadian story-telling.

The signature piece of "The Savage Gentleman" is the epic poem "Sweetheart" which is distributed along seven seperate and complete tracks. While each standing on its own is a compelling story, together they form a mesmerizing story of lust, honour, despair, chaos, madness and glory.

Billy Ruffian and the fine staff at Mudsharkaudio have relentlessly worked hard on this project for over a year and confidently offer it to the public for the price of $12 (CDN). The CD can be purchased from Billy Ruffian in person at one of Ottawa's many fantastic spoken word poetry events such as Capital Slam at the Thirsty Scholar, Poetic Intentions on the last monday of every month at Cafe Nostaligica (603 Cumberland Ave) and IN/Words at Avant Garde and other regular poetry series in Ottawa as well as the occasional open Mike at various pubs and venues.

The CD can also be purchased online at www.mudsharkaudio.com, Canada's largest producer of Spoken Word Artists. Shipping and Handling extra.

Keep your eyes and ears open for a launch party as well as readings and special appearances by Billy Ruffian!

Carleton Improv

2006-10-24T21:23:00.000-05:00

Carleton Improv in online and up n' running!!!

That's right, you can read AND HEAR all our exciting adventures at www.carleton.ca/cia with text AND AUDIO. Check out our propaganda for all the exciting media.

When you are listening, guess which one is me. Here's a hint. I'm not too keen on adulterous whores.

If you wanna go straight to the audio, click here

Enjoy!

Getting re-acquainted

2006-10-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all

Ok, so I've been sicker than a dog for the last two weeks, been beset by problems of school, getting fired from Rooster's and then getting a job at the library (which rocks ass and is my dreamjob come true).

Right now I'm typing up my After Action Report for the Vice-President's briefing for our meeting tomorrow at Carleton. Later I'm driving my mom to the doctor because she has been very sick as of late.

My brother Andrew is in Thailand now on leave. He leaves Afghanistan and goes on vacation to a country where a military coup d'etat took place. I'm just glad it seems to have the support of the Thai people is all. Besides, I highly doubt the Thai military is gonna mess with a western soldier during the war on terror, unless they want Georgie Boy to fuss and whine and make trouble for them.

Lord oh Lord how I've come to dislike the American President. Worst president since Andrew Johnson.

Hell... worst president ever.

When will they impeach him, in a peaceful, democratic fashion?

See internet spies!? I'm not advocating killing President Bush, just that he be gotten rid of in accordance with the traditions of a liberal democracy. Stop spying on me.

That's pretty much it. I've lost my appetite for long posts.

2006-10-15T00:29:00.000-05:00

Just had first improv show.

Tired.

Eating pasta.

Then sleep.

WE ROCKED IT!

and made a profit....

2006-10-14T17:18:00.000-05:00

FINALLY!

Holy Crap, never update to blogger beta ever! The most aggravating crap ever.

Ok everyone, the blog is back up and running. Have news for you soon.

Billy Out.

The 13th

2006-09-14T12:00:00.001-05:00

Today we are all Montrealers.

Improvisation

2006-09-09T20:29:00.000-05:00

I am now the treasurer of the Carleton Improv Association. Which means I have to keep all the donut and gas receipts.

First improv meeting was today. Jobs were assigned. Responsibilities handed down. Bread was sliced. Butter was spread. Sandwiches were eaten. Except for the last three, it's all true.

Damn, wish I had me a decent sandwich right now, but I can't be bothered to make one all the same.

Writing letters to ol' friends and then moving on to readings, designed a recruitment poster and finishing up the laundry. Kulah Kalay oh happy day.

EDIT: I used to think Ehrlico's clipboard of mystery was rather boring. Now I wonder how in the HELL he ever got anything done, seeing as how the notes contained upon it resemble the outlandish dream of a a fevered madman.

I bought a NEW, much sleeker clipboard and have got much accomplished in a much more legible way. Take that Mr. and Mrs. Hekapopolis. I'm neater than your son.

Update, the 2nd installement

2006-09-06T11:46:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all.

What's up?

I'm good.

Pretty good.

Might be better, might be worse.

I'm generally happy with my state of being right now.

Last night, went out with Jon and Emily. Tonight heading out with my only buddies from High School Tina and Tasj.

Oh? You want to hear about California? Well first; this.

The Manager of Rooster's called me NOT 30 minutes ago as of this writing to inform me that he would like if I could come down on Friday and work some "try-out" shifts before the interview process began. He said he wouldn't lie to me, but that if I did this, it would REALLY help my chances of being pulled on permanently onto Rooster's staff as a cook.

I worked at Subway for awhile about 2 years back. I used to work in a kitchen at a overnight Christian summer camp and I take instructions very well and learn quickly.

So hopefully, a job on Campus for Billy, which would be good, because then I wouldn't have to play bus slut all the time to get around and do my job while also balancing school.

Yes, playing bus slut only twice a day would be great. Getting to school and then leaving school.

Bus Slut: noun, An individual so totally dependent on public transport that they take whatever abuse, rudeness, tardiness and general unhealthiness of said transport in stride so that they may be given the privilege of barely scrapping by.

Ok, my trip to California, lets go!

California was great. What can I say? I say the Golden Gate Bridge, and Alcatraz and the Sea Lions... but I didn't do much sight seeing. Why you ask?

Well, because I was spending way too much time spending time with me AWESOME family from Northern Ireland, that's why! I bonded very quickly and very closely with many members, most espicially my cousin Timothy, who I suspect is 10% decent fella, 45% hard worker, 25% proud father... and 10% rascal!

He reminds me of me.

But I reckon that the best part of the trip wasn't enjoying the great company of my Patrician Uncle Stuart (who is quite the fan of Rush Limbaugh... unfortunately), pal-ing around with my red bull loving, tobacco chewing cousin Timothy, my cousin Victoria's husband Jefferson (quite the southern gentlemen you might say, he's from Georgia), meeting my cousin Mick (the groom of the wedding I was attending) or just having a ball with my cousin Pamela.... but the children.

Playing with the children of my cousins was a deeply rewarding experience. Occassionally having to raise my voice and be authoritative (when no other adult was around, or when Uncle Stuart was too tired to be truly effective) was a great confidance booster, even more so than being the tough as nails camp counsellor I was back when I was a teenager.

They were very good children, most of the time. There shouldn't be any out of control kids on the Maury Povich show from MY family, I tell you sir/madam!

It made me realise, at least a little bit, that if I ever met the right woman, settled down and got married.... then I would like to have some kids of my own.

Eventually.

When I'm ready.

In the far off future.

I saw only two things that disgusted me beyond words.

1. Some lady who was obviously on crack/smack/crank/green meanies or whatever, who had bruises and cuts all along her legs.

2. Workers of Mexican descent (Or perhaps Mexicans in America) working like slaves... sorry... working AS slaves on a large farm.... sorry, a plantation.

I saw with my own eyes... the DISGUSTING and REPREHENSIBLE practice of paying migrant workers next to nothing, exploiting their strong work ethic and situation to get top quality labour at a fraction of the cost of hiring workers who were either citizens or who had the requisite forms to be in America as a guest worker.

My heart goes out to those people who are doing what they have to do to survive. To feed their families.

I hope, as a Canadian, deep in my heart of hearts that the American government devises a fair, equitable and compassionate solution to this problem that enforces the rule of law AND allows people the dignity of work and fair wages for people who want to work and work hard.

I as a Canadian, kept my mouth shut while I was there. One lone Foreigner, among hosts, would not be able to change the policies of rich land owning families in 4 days. I happily report however that my family, espicially Tim, were as equally disgusted as I was (or more) and that no one who was a guest of the groom (That's our side) stayed a SECOND longer than they had to.

Perhaps there is hope after all.

I did do some sight seeing... but mostly I either helped as best as I could with the wedding or clowned around with the men and the children and was funny for the women.

I did get to see my grandmother as well. Yippie! That was cool. I'm going to visit her next summer.... I shouldn't say it, because for a woman of her age Grannie is in great shape.... but the elderly don't get any younger and I should make the most of the time I have now before it's too late.

I've got to go back to Ulster... visit my granddad's grave... make amends with some people that I have... *sigh*... wronged in my time.

Some ghosts need burying.

Plus, I hope to meet a nice Irish girl, fall in love and never be unhappy again. Because Irish girls are like that I hear.

Yeah, not really.

I turned 22 on the 22nd of August.

I've talked to my brother, Capt. Ruffian, a few times on the phone and MSN. Afghanistan doesn't seem to be the wonderful place that nobody has ever made it out to be.

Personal stuff I shall not share, but he is ok looks like.

Summer recap in an itemized list

1. Did some poetry
2. Nearly finished the CD
3. Completed nearly ALL of my summer to-do-list
4. Planning to go the Canadian Festival of Spoken Word, Oct 11-14 in Toronto
5. Had fun in California
6. Struck out alot with the ladies
7. Happy for reuniting with my very old friend, Meghan Ballantine, who was possibly the BRIGHTEST and HAPPIEST factor of the months May and June.
8. Learned a Little Latin
9. Completed my Minor in Classics and Religion
10. Didn't get a job at the library, despite my overwhelming desire to work there
11. Felt a little lonely with all my friends not being in Ottawa like they are during the school year
12. Helped my buddy Neil Hagworn (names changed to protect the funny) move to Washington D.C. by loading up his moving truck.
13. First Improv meeting of the year on Saturday (can't wait, Improv always cheers me up)
14. Had my good friend, "The Budman" stay with me for Canada Day and we rocked out loud.
15. Met my hero and artistic inspiration, BUCK 65 for the SECOND TIME and got him to SIGN MY LUCKY HAT! BITCHIN'!
16. Said a sad farewell to my fellow improv'er Erhlico "The Hek" Hekapopolis who now lives in Toronto having graduated from Carleton University.
17. Miss both my brother's very much.
18. Got to see BOTH of my brother's and Sara, my bro Agamemnon Ruffian's girlfriend, who came up to visit with the family before Capt. Ruffian's deployment.
19. Still deadset on Library school, apply to Dalhousie in October.
20. Writing awesome poetry.
21. Wrote awesome poetry.
22. A lil' bit lonely because of bad luck with the opposite sex, BUT, remain convinced that my time will come soon and I'll meet someone who is nice in a non-manipulative, non-mind game playing, non-money spending way.
23. Wrote this list.

And that is how I learned my lessons of the summer.

Update

2006-09-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

I owe Y'all an update.

I swear it is forthcoming, before Thursday.

What the Hek!?!?!

2006-08-23T00:17:00.000-05:00

My good friend, Ehrlico "The Hek" Hekapopapolis sent me a very nice birthday message in the e-mail.

Just a reminder to hit up my link list and jam on over to the Hek's blog and listen to his brand spanking new podcast from sunny Toronto.

Ehrlico, I commiserate with the whole employment thing.

Peace

Trip

2006-08-21T14:35:00.000-05:00

Two days till California.

Anxiousness sets in.

On an unrelated topic, I would urge anyone who would like to see the only film used for training purposes by both the US army AND the PLO to see The Battle For Algiers. It's about how the French won the battle for the city for Algiers and defeated an insurgency by killing its leaders and despite these facts, still withdrew from Algeria in two years.

2006-08-16T17:04:00.000-05:00

I didn't get the job. They called me to let me know.

Interview

2006-08-16T12:52:00.000-05:00

Had my interview. I really really really hope that I made a good impression.

I'd be totally bummed if I didn't get this library job.

Pins and Needles

2006-08-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

I await with anticipation, another call from Heather Cross at the Carleton Library.

Perhaps this time, to offer me a job interview.

Trepeidation sets in.

UPDATE

I have a job interview with the fine folks at the library on August 16th.

What?

2006-08-07T18:59:00.000-05:00

No one wants to burn me over my views on Nixon?

You're all cowards!

In other news, went to my friend Greg "Ritallin" Frankson's engagement party last night. He found a nice Nova Scotia girl. Good for him.

An old Navy buddy of my Dad's moved to Kanata. Came with his wife and kids to BBQ and swim wit' us at our place. Good for them.

Went to an outdoor festival called House of Paint under Dunbar Bridge. There was breaking and grafing and all manner or keepin' it real. Good for Ottawa.

At house of paint, I saw Devon (the guy) and Devon (The hot girl). Devon (the guy) had Latin class wit' me and is an all round nice fellow. Good for him.

Devon (the hot girl), who I had become romantically interested in, said in response to me asking her out (and I quote) "Oh, we could.."

We could was then followed by an explanation of how she isn't in the date mindset and how she's decided to focus on finding "The One". Now, I could have asked how one date interfered with that search, but I didn't. The way she explained it left me with the feeling that she is sort of in commitment mode. And that scared me off pretty quick.

In hindsight, maybe I should have made the case for giving me a chance, but, too late now.

However, she would still like to be my friend. Just like everyone else.

Well.... good for me.... I guess.

Ya'll might not like this but...

2006-08-01T12:34:00.000-05:00

Upon doing some reading, I actually have alot of sympathy for Richard M. Nixon.

Dick Nixon, I think, will go down in history as one of the most misunderstood presidents of all time and should justifiably be remembered as a man with good intentions who let his paranoia and autocratic management style destroy his presidency.

Here are some actual facts and statistics that you can find in Lewis Gaddis' Strategies of Containment, any book on Military spending produced by the United States Government (availible in university and government libraries and perhaps your local library if it is well funded and expected to serve many interests).

1. During Nixon's presidency through the application of Detente military spending in both the Soviet Union and the United States of America FELL substantially.

2. Nixon helped bring The People's Republic of China out of isolation, and with his reputation as a red-baiter and a staunch anti-communist, was able to resist cries of being soft on communism.

3. Henry Kissinger and Richard Nixon broke with the Democratic strategy of flexible, symmetric response to perceived communist threats that was based on a Bi-Polar conception of world affairs and brought about a Multi-Polar strategy that was far from perfect (I'll be the first to admit that Nixon and Kissinger firmly wanted America in the driver's seat everywhere and all the time and often came off as arrogant and high-handed) but allowed for allies to feel as if they were an important part of Diplomatic and Strategic effort towards the Soviet Union.

4. During Nixon's presidency, troop withdrawals began in Vietnam and money allocated to the war shrank. Although Nixon disagreed with the congress when it terminated the war before he felt the time was right, it was Nixon who started the process and had it end during HIS presidency.

5. Nixon brought about, with Kissinger, a series of trade deals that saw the movement of food, technology and loans to the Soviet bloc which eventually placed the entire communist world in Europe in DEBT to the west, diminishing the credibility of the Soviet Union.

6. By recognizing China and opening up relations, Nixon split the International Communist Movement and was able to pit communist against communist, thus making the West's security obligations less expensive.

Ok, now here is what is wrong with Nixon's presidency.

1. He was highly secretive, to the point of paranoia.

2. He broke the law.

3. He failed to define the powers of the presidency clearly and to give congress the perception that their Constitutional powers were intact (They were, but congress in the wake of extreme war weariness, felt the need to assert itself)

4. HE BROKE THE LAW!

Those of you who know me, know that I believe in order. But I believe in Justice more. And it is unjust for a ruler to break the laws of his own country. Any ruler. No matter the excuse or the times.

That being said, I do NOT like Richard M. Nixon. But I respect the good things he tried to do and have some sympathy for him as well.

What I have been up to

2006-07-29T14:53:00.000-05:00

Well, for the past few days, I've been pressure washing, scraping and then painting the fences that line my parents property. It's messy work. I've been bitten to death by mosquitoes.

I'm all registered for classes. Got my tuition all paid up.

Went to DJ Morales's birthday. She knows how to throw a party. Happy 19th DJ!

I'll miss her alot when she moves to New York. : (

I'm 22 on the 22nd of August. Whoopee.

Fixed some minor errors in the CD with Andrew a few nights ago.

Need to get my drink on.

That's about it.

CD Update

2006-07-22T14:22:00.000-05:00

Friends, Citizens, Countrymen

Lend me your ocular instruments.

My Producer, Andrew Brittain of Mudsharkaudio and Vanorange Records, has shown me the first draft of all my recorded tracks together and my friends.... what I heard was good.

Even for a rough edit, which I have heard alot of.

There were some things I didn't like, but they were all minor bits and we were able to get them cleaned up, or at least deferred to a later stage, in a few hours.

What we need to do now is mix down the recordings and start thinking about some sound F/X to put in.

We're shooting now for an August release date and I'm confidant we'll make it.

I'm very proud of the work Andrew and I have been able to do and as a reflection of that pride I would encourage everyone in the National Capital Region and Beyond to get into touch with Mudsharkaudio for all their recording projects. Their professionalism and dedication will knock your socks off.

You can reach them at www.mudsharkaudio.com and on the link menu to your right.

Keep your eyes peeled for Billy Ruffian's 'Savage Gentlemen', coming to a poetry slam near you.

2006-07-19T00:48:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you are amazed at who you meet.

I met someone who has stripped for money. We met in a non-stripping capacity. She knows alot about legitimate films.

Good times.

I think this is f-ing hilarious.

2006-07-17T12:46:00.000-05:00

Here it is.

Letters

2006-07-17T12:11:00.000-05:00

I just wrote a bunch of letters to friends I haven't talked to in awhile.

Letter writing is fast becoming a dead art. I aim to turn the tide.

I also believe in love letters. People should write love letters for their sweethearts. It just makes sense. Why don't people write love letters anymore?

Brothers have departed

2006-07-12T11:32:00.000-05:00

Well my brothers departed a few days ago.

It took me some time to recover from all the good times we had. We went whitewater rafting, drinking at the highlander, dinner with Grandma (she had her 82nd birthday with us) and played cards and drank some more.

There was other stuff we did and many memorable moments. Please forgive me if I don't get into details. They are very pleasant memories that I'd prefer to keep to myself.

Andrew, my eldest brother, deploys to Afghanistan on Friday.

My good friend Samantha took me out to play pool in the city last night. We chatted and played pool. Sam's a good person to talk to, good listener and pretty smart... you know, for a science student.

: P

So I'm good. Generally happy with how life is going.

Got my summer reading here for me to do, so I'd better do it. I always applied for work at the library. I hope I get it.

Only one bit of bad news, my Cousin Michael needs a lung transplant. Now Mike has Cystic Fibrosis. He wasn't expected to live past 18. He is now nearing 30. Mike isn't a big man, but he has a BIG heart. He has courage and the spirit of a warrior.

We're all very proud of him. Get better Mike. The world needs warriors like you.

Oh, and Darla. Thank you for linking. I shall reciprocate. I like reading your blog very much, it's a very nice corner of the internet.

2006-07-06T23:22:00.000-05:00

Both my bros are here.

Please do not expect updates soon as I will be occupied with having the best time possible with them.

2006-07-01T23:57:00.000-05:00

I had a very nice young woman leave me a comment on my last post and returned the favour by visiting her blog. After reading it.... I must say, fellas.... you already know this, but PROTECT yer junk.

You only get one set of junk and the good lord knows it's impossible to replace.

This may seem bizarre, but you kinda have to read her blog to get what I'm driving at. Now I would link her blog, but I don't know her at all, despite reading a few posts on her blog, so I think I'll comment a bit on hers and maybe if I still like reading it and she still likes reading mine, I'll link hers and maybe she'll do likewise.

That being said Canada Day with Josh was awesome.

I met Buck 65 again for the second time and he signed my lucky hat and even drew a small cartoon on it that only I would get (we were joking around see). I'd explain the joke, but if you have to explain it... it's not funny. At all.

So I won't.

The important thing is, ran into Jadis (which was nice) drank some beer at the highlander pub (which was nice) had a steakburger (good with beer) Listened to ALOT of awesome street performers and muscians (Lots of string muscians, violins, fiddling and even a cello and bass) and a bagpiper.

Kinnie Starr also signed my lucky hat.

We dozed for a bit at Major Hill's park, where alot of this stuff was going down and saw what was the most awesome fireworks display of all time.

In Ottawa, it is thundering and lighting-ing as I type this. Perfect timing. The weather was totally awesome.

I got some ideas for new poetry I'd like to perform at the new Poetry season when it starts after October, and I'm gonna make an appearance at all the shows in July and August now because I totally have to pimp my CD or else I'll lose so much money.

It's all about creating a buzz.

My feet hurt and I'm tired, but 10 straight hours of partying?

I say... mission accomplished.

Canada Day, 1:27 am

2006-07-01T00:31:00.000-05:00

Happy Canada Day my friends.

Well, Josh and I just got in from Tina's party, which was fun. Tina's got some interesting friends who were very easy to get along wit' and it was good to get back into touch with someone that meant so much to me in high school.

Josh is currently dozing (I think) upstairs in the guest room while my mom stalks around the kitchen for some reason. She has alot of trouble sleeping, and does alot of stuff at night, she just stays up real late and wakes up real early. Weird, nicht wahr?

Oh well, Nichevo.

Today is Canada Day and when we wake up later this morning, Josh and I'll eat some pancakes and head out to see all the bands, espicially... my favourite... BUCK 65!

He's my hero. Just goes to show what Nova Scotia is capable of.

Nova Scotia rules, at least according to me. There are alot of haters out there.

Anyhoo, we'll be seeing lotsa bands and drinking a bit and maybe Jadis will be able to spare some time to come hang out wit' us. I hope so, she's mega-cute. Level 10 prettiness here folks.

Maybe Josh'll update his blog while he's here, so don't forget to check out the Adventures of Budman on the links section to your right.

Seeya!

-Billy

Now these really are quite the ol' propaganda films.

2006-06-29T23:17:00.000-05:00

Here's a Donald sticking it to der Man

And here's a story about some kind of dude named Joe

Education. What a beautiful thing.

2006-06-29T11:49:00.000-05:00

At this point in time, I'd really like to just break down and lose my mind.

Today has been such a horrible day and it's on 12:45 pm.

Will someone please inject me with those drugs that make you not care?

What a wonderful new blog

2006-06-22T02:43:00.000-05:00

Listen up people, new blog alert.

My good, good friend from Gruff, Forbidding England, DAVID UNDERWOOD (no word yet on whether or not he is actually a hobbit) has himself a free comedy podcast on his very own blog!

Yes it's true!

Now you can enjoy FREE British humour at the touch of a button.

Finally, a website that doesn't ask you to surrender your credit card number.... or your dignity.

You can find him on the links to the right OR

You can find him here

Enjoy, my peoples.

You can do it Josh Budman!

2006-06-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

HURRAH FOR JOSH! RA RA RA!

Hang in there Josh, we believe in you!

THIS POEM IS A WORK OF FICTION

2006-06-10T12:57:00.000-05:00

The following is fictious. Any similarity to anyone, living or dead, is purely unintentional.

“Flesh”

By Billy Ruffian

I did not hear her
As my blood boiled behind my eyes
When the red mist descends
I do not decide what it is I do
Mescaline, the only way to fly,
With subterranean champagne
Foamed away in my belly
That formerly held mimosa in the morning
That became adrenaline in the chamber of my heart
My heart, an extremely professional pump
Palpitated pure palatine fantasy through my soul
Back, back, back, back…. To Messalina and Gaius Caligula
At the very heart of Satan’s midnight ball
Seeing what Bulgakov saw not
Swimming seductively in seas of Brandy
Supple and supine bodies of the deep dark
Who changed my body to cacti flowers
And my blood to whiskey-scotch
Served to 12 cutthroats, murderers and thieves
I was eaten and enjoyed for I was Jupiter
Best and greatest of all men
Young Caesar at my right hand
Young Custer at my left
Francisco Franco as my footstool
With Czar Nicholas as my squire
Manichean machines manufactured
My many followers
And all was right with the world
I was perfect, my bones were gilded hashish
And my eyes were shining azure ecstasy
My reasoned and wise words
Held all the greatest spirits
But then my sweetheart
Woke me from my sights
I’ll never know why, for she’ll never tell
I saw myself as flesh. FLESH?!
No Jupiter had I been
So I punished her for the truth she had shown
By taking the life’s breath from her chest
For I was foolish Ulysses and she was a mere Penelope
She asked me why, for she was my only friend
She did not fight back. She died.
I did not hear her
When my blood boiled behind my eyes
When the red mist descends
I do not decide what it is I do
Though you are never supposed to hurt the one you love
I did indeed hurt myself greatly.

2006-06-03T02:28:00.000-05:00

Wow, I'm so busy. I can't even put into words how fucked up these two summer classes I am taking are.

The third one is not so bad.

I feel helpless in alot of ways, but I'm gonna keep on trying hard, because that's the only way to go.

Crafty rules to live by

2006-05-26T01:23:00.000-05:00

Crafty ol' uncle Billy's 1st rule

Never mistake a symbolic weakness for an actual one.

Crafty ol' uncle Billy's 2nd rule

It's much easier to destroy someone when they embrace you as a brother.

Crafty ol' uncle Billy's 3rd rule

Information is ammunition

White Ninja, No!

2006-05-21T16:18:00.000-05:00

See, even the white ninja is capable of acts of pure evil. I submit the following for consideration.

It seems that every ninja has also trained with Batman. I submit the following, and would direct you to the links section of theblog and see Dr. McNinja, he also makes many batman allusions.

Here also, is a pic of me from my fishing trip

If I could be a Jedi

2006-05-19T23:11:00.000-05:00

Then I would totally be a dark jedi, or "Sith" if you will.

It just makes absolute sense. After all, the Empire IS the legally recognized government and if the galaxy "loved" freedom so much, it shouldn't have be so quick to legislate all its precious freedoms away to a single man.

Ok, SMALL correction.

2006-05-16T11:34:00.000-05:00

It's so small it had to be written in all caps.

Ok, so I sent Frank my blog address and he really liked what I had to say, but I made some mistakes and I rectify them now by posting, word for word, what Frank said.

Hope nobody gets confused.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only one small correction...We weren't on an Indian reserve when we were in the Park...in French they refer to that area as..."Reserve Park La Verendrye"...it is
really a wildlife refuge...but they allow hunting, fishing, trapping, forestry activities, hiking, camping etc...go figure???....some refuge....Although it is part of my community's traditional territory and we did fish in my trapline area and stayed at my Dad's trapline it is not officially part of the Kitigan Zibi Anishinabeg reserve (BTW - we are Algonquin)...my guess is that if someone read this and was familiar with "reserves" they might infer that you were actually fishing on an Indian
reserve...this is not allowed...anytime for non-natives....but other than that it reads beautifully and I appreciate the kind words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, there you go my friends, the real deal from a fair and balanced viewpoint. Take that FOX news!

The unfolding tale of my fishing trip, but first....

2006-05-15T11:54:00.000-05:00

We must acknowledge the crushing defeat inflicted on our city by Those-That-Bear-Sabres.

There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the women beat their breasts in sorrow and the men tear their hair from their heads in grief, the children are forbidden to speak of this and a unmistakable pallor hangs over the city.

The Lord is displeased with his children. The skies appear fiery and the seas have become as blood, the righteous fear the hordes of the wicked and all of Sens-dom trembles before the anxious post-season fallout.

Heads shall roll. I guarantee it. The defense of our city's honour is paramount, it now remains to be seen whether we shall improve the quality of our beloved Sens, or merely cull the herd in a fit of over-enthusiasm and witch-hunting.

I digress. Time to discuss my trip.

I met Frank, the man who invited me up, and a fellow Sens fan, on Bank street at Irene's pub where we waited for Kirk who, like Frank, is an aboriginal. We spoke a little. Frank commented favourably on my ability to pack light, which made me feel alot better because I've never really gone too far into Bush country before. His minor praise inflated my confidance ten-fold and dispelled lingering doubts about my ability to get through the weekend.

Kirk arrived and we popped into Frank's truck and picked up Ben, Frank's fellow scholar (They took some graduate courses together at Carleton) and we were on our way! We even listened to my Buck 65 CD on the way up, hell, we even listened to my Captital Slam CD which made me feel great. Frank has been unconditionally supportive of my poetic endeavours, and to be friends with someone who just has uniform confidance in you since day 1 is awesome.

I should mention briefly that there was a running joke throughout our trip that was brought up at EVERY oppurtunity. What was that joke you may ask? Brokeback mountain. I've never seen it, but Frank told me that Heath Ledger and Jake Glynenthal (however you spell that) engage their homosexual activities under the cover of a yearly fishing trip. His wife made the joke to him as he left to meet us in Ottawa and anytime anyone (including myself) a brokeback mountain joke was made. It was hilarious, everytime.

We arrived on the Kitigan Zibi Anishinabeg reserve in a few hours after passing from Ottawa into L'Belle Province and we stopped in at Frank's house to get the boat and meet up with our fellow fishers before heading to B.B.'s trap line (B.B. is Frank's father, and a damn fine cook I might add). There we met Frank's beautiful and very gracious wife Debbie as well as his three lovely children, Dolcy (The oldest at 5, a girl), D'arcy (A fine Irish name for a 2 year old boy) and the baby Maxi (They seem to have a theme going on the final syllable of each name). A small word, because I like to promote myself, Frank has been a very generous and friendly person to me on all occassions, we often shared a cup of tea at the Coffee Shop in MacOdrum library (Well, not really, he had Earl Grey Tea and I had Coffee) and never, EVER, asked for anything in return. I can't just take and take and take without any reciprocation to show my appreciation of this, but since I have nothing Frank really wants or needs, except my friendship, I decided the best thing I could do was to be nice to his kids. So what did I do? I rounded up all my children's books and brought them up with us. Dolcy, apparently, loves to read, so I brought alot of educational books that I had read when I was about her age. Probably the best two were a set of books I brought that were about cultures all over the world that teach young children the basics of archaeology and understanding other people's ways of life and beliefs and a very colouful book on King Tut's tomb in Eygpt, with lots of pictures. They went over very well, in my humble opinion.

Debbie had very kindly made up some pasta and spaghetti sauce for us and it was freaking awesome. I must say, it was truly excellent. It couldn't hold a candle to my Mom's, but it was still really really good. (Love you Mom).

There we collected much gear, from trusty and seaworthy boats to humble steel anchors for use at the Trap line. It is also where the party was completed, with one ominous addition.

Frank's father and cousin Chris (A vietnam vet and one hell of a smart cookie) arrived, as Frank said they would, with Frank's older brother Charlie.

A word on Charlie. He might be Frank's older brother, in terms of years, but Frank is definitely the Eldest in terms of common sense, alcohol use and, dare-I-say, success. Charlie was a nice guy, when he was sober. But he never was. He got WASTED for 2 days straight on this trip and was the one thorn on the metaphorical rose that was this trip. I will honestly and without sarcasm say Charlie was nice and affable when sober, however he just drank and drank and drank. He had absolutely no idea that this wasn't a time to get completely hammered and although he was never belligerent or anyway aggressive, I was really embarressed for him. Alot.

It put Frank in a difficult position, he wasn't expecting Charlie to come and I can tell that it frustrated him some. How can you tell your older brother he can't come because you think he'll make an ass of himself? There's really no easy way to do that. So Charlie came with us.

I'll say it right now. Andrew, Adrian and I have had our disagreements. We don't always agree on what's right and what's wrong, but I am VERY lucky in my brothers. I couldn't ask for a better pair of men to call MY brothers.

Back to the trip, after a brief stop to pick up eggs, bacon and some snacks, as well as a fishing license for me and Ben (we were the only white guy's there, so we needed them. Aboriginals can hunt and fish all year round in accordance with their traditional rights and privileges that existed before the European conquest) we were on our way to the bush!

We arrived and got settled and proceeded to drink a little beer and start a fire. It was starting to get dark and it was important we be ready for the next day. We were in fine form. We sat round a fire and drank a little and joked and laughed. Frank and Kirk and Ben often commented on how quiet I was this weekend. Well, there is a reason for that. Usually I'm a chatter box, but that's only when I'm in my element. I was on a trap line on an Aboriginal reserve with practically no experience in the bush. I made my mind in the first five minutes to keep my mouth shut and my ears open. And it was a good choice. I listened and I learned a great deal from B.B., Frank, Kirk and Chris. I've never been so glad that the Aboriginals resisted pressure from white people to abandon their way of life and be white, as Kirk put it. A white man like me, from the city, would not survive without their knowledge.

Another side point, there is alot of information to get through, so I'll summarize what I learned on the trip NOW, as opposed to interrupting my story later to address it. Over the 2 days I was out I learned how to string a fishing line, hook up an outboard motor, tell the difference between Pike, Walleye, Whitefish and Suckers, how to fish for those particular fishes (Yes, they taught me how to fish, so now I can feed myself for a lifetime, as the saying goes), what Moose tracks look like, how to tell where an animal is and what kind it is from the sound it makes, what the inside of a moose looks like, how furs and animal skins are treated and turned into material goods, what a dead bear looks like (yep, I saw a dead bear), observed how fish are fileted and cleaned, how to cook fish with homemade batter, how to get a woodstove going and how to maintain it, which kinds of wood are best for starting a fire and which are best for keeping it going once it's burning and probably the most important thing I learned was how similar aboriginals and I are. We both have families, we both want our descendants to have it better than us and we both want to live on our terms without the government screwing us up da ass with a frozen rope.

I was really surprised with Chris and Frank's knowledge of Ireland and how Frank is considering writing his PH'D on a comparative analysis of Colonialism in Ireland as the model the English would use in conquering North America. The points they brought up, plus my own initial comparisions of what I know of Ireland and the aboriginals were very persuasive.

Maybe when I become a librarian and when Frank becomes a PH'D, we could become an academic duo and explore things like that. Behind every great scholar, is a great librarian people.

Back to the trip. Kirk, a Mohawk (And this was a point of much good natured needling from the other aboriginals in the group), was amazingly prescient. He, like Frank, was not too happy about Charlie being with us and made several prophetic statements that came true at some point, in some form or another during our two days.

The first was that Charlie would be hammered completely the whole trip and would fall in the fire. Charlie fulfilled that exactly. Kirk called it and was dead on. (More on this later)

The second was that he would be hurt somehow, because he always gets hurt in a way no one could forsee. This did happen, an ember from the fire popped out and landed on Kirk's eyelid and burned his eyelid. It was nothing serious, more a nuisance than anything else, but it happened. Score 2 for Kirk.

The third, and here is where the tale becomes bittersweet, is that Kirk would be waist deep in water because, as Kirk says, he just had a feeling. Well, Kirk was part right. I fell into the lake waist deep. I was helping get the boat hooked back onto the truck and this involved me standing on the trailer as we backed into water so I could hook it up to the ropes and straps so we could haul it out, secure it and load all the gear up. I took it in great stride and even made a few jokes at my own expense (Note everyone, when something like this happens, be the first one to crack a joke, it makes the situation way more easier to bear as everyone will know that you're cool with it and have a thick skin). However, Frank said there was no way I could ride in his truck with wet pants on. Into the boat go my pants and boots and I rode in the back seat in slightly wet underwear. Many brokeback mountain jokes were made, even some by myself. When you can laugh at yourself, people will laugh with you, if you get all weepy and whiny, then they will laugh at you and will become mean. It's how people are. I wish that sometimes it wasn't, but it just is and the sooner you learn that, the better off you will be.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, one thing that bears special mention is Charlie falling into the fire. We were all having a good time, for some reason, Charlie wanted to cross the fire circle. Now instead of taking 5 extra seconds to go the long way around where no one was sitting, Charlie decided to go the short way, where EVERYONE was sitting in a semi-circle. I clearly remember Kirk saying, don't Charlie, you'll fall in the fire. Well, taa-da, Charlie weaved his way close to where he wanted to go and fell into the fire, badly burning his hand.

B.B. was most upset. He had come up to have a good time and now saw his own son burn himself very badly. For a man with 2 grown sons in their thirties, he shouldn't have to lay down the law, but he did. Even though he sat down in a chair, I swear I saw him rise at least two feet. His voice, a very kind one, had steel put into it. Chris, a vietnam vet, a man with countless stories about questionable run in's with Bikers and possibly the saltiest sense of humour ever said three words that really illustrated the respect that existed between this family. "You're right Uncle." Now, that's a no-brainer, but the way he said it held a tone and such a firm respect and genuine regret that you knew, YOU KNEW, that he deeply regretted making a joke out of Charlie falling into the fire. I won't go into more detail, as the rest is not important to the overall story, also I wouldn't want to overstep boundaries in respect to privacy as evidenced by the fact that I use no last names.

The reason I went into detail on this story is that B.B. reminded me a great deal of my own father and my Maternal Grandfather. I felt very reassured when I knew that this was his trapline we were on and I made sure to pay close attention whenever he spoke. He even showed me how to tie a hook to a rod and bait a hook.

The next day after we went fishing, Ben caught 4 whitefish and Kirk and Frank set a net that we would collect the next day. We ate very well in the morning and the night thank to Ben's catch and B.B.'s culinary skill in preparing absolutely perfect bacon, sausage and hard-boiled eggs, not to mention his incredibly BITCHIN' coffee. I must say, that coffee of B.B.'s ... absolutely bitchin'.

This is the day I fell in the water and I spent the time that we weren't fishing helping to secure gear and keep the fire going. Whenever I could, I asked Chris, Kirk, and everyone else, save Ben who did some question asking of his own, all about the environment we were in and about themselves. They had amazing stories and imparted alot of knowledge about the local wildlife and their way of life. It was f-ing amazing (I'm trying my best to watch my language, it has been brought to my attention some more mature members of my family read my blog and I have no intention of making them feel uncomfortable through my inherent saltiness. If I make an occassional slip up and just swear up a storm, I crave their pardon and ask them to overlook it).

I shared little information of myself, mostly it didn't seem too important, which is weird. I'm fairly open, and my favourite topic is always me. I know, I'm conceited. But this experience was extremely good for me, both in the deep down, honest, satisfying fun I had, but also the humility I assumed. I resolve to be more humble in the future, using this past weekend as the model for all my coming interactions.

I did however, quietly share some of my brandy which I had brought in the flask Adrian gave me with Frank as a thank you for everything. Those of you that know how much I like spirits and how reluctant I am to pass that flask around know that this was big deal for me and that was my way of trying to really compliment Frank. In retrospect, I guess I should have explained that to him, but maybe he got that anyways.

The next day after I fell in the water, we went to a nearby lake off the reserve to fish for Pike. We had just got on the water when Game Warden's pulled us in. Now, Frank is an aboriginal, he can hunt, fish and whatever any time of the year. But for Ben and me, the white boys, we were in some slight donkey dung. Apparently, the lake didn't open until next week. Now since we had licenses (good for on the reserve and off of it) and we hadn't caught anything yet, the game wardens let us off and asked us to not fish. Realizing how much a break we were being cut, we readily agreed and asked if it would be ok if we just motored around the lake. They said that would be no problem so long as there were no rods. They took off, though Frank said they probably just drove down the road, got out of the truck and walked through the bush to watch us and make sure we kept our promise. We did nothing to infringe on it. I must say, sitting in the bow of a canoe and motoring around at great speed is quite the rush.

While the Game wardens checked our licenses in their truck, Frank noticed they had a dead bear in the back. Never having seen a bear up close, I took the oppurtunity to get a good look. It looked a lot smaller than I thought it would, but Frank said that was deceptive. Bears can look very big when they want to and even a small bear is capable of tearing me to pieces. I hope the only bears I see from now on are far, far away or incapacitated from now on. The game wardens said the bear had been raiding camp sites and that they had to shoot it.

That's life I suppose.

One note about the game wardens, they were the spitting image of each other. Why you ask? Well, the trail of clues begins with their shared last name. They were a father and son team. How do you like that, a father and son game warden team. They drive around in the country, keeping the woods safe for both people and animals and it's a family affair. Some people might find that a terrifying process if they had to do it with a parent. I for one, could totally see me and my Dad doing that if this were a different world.

Anyways, without permission to fish, we returned to the trap line. The night previous we had listened to the Sens game on the radio, and there was much frustration with the loss. We didn't mention it the whole time.

Frank and Kirk left to bring in the net they set yesterday and what a haul. I didn't count it, but they must have caught at least 30 fish. That was when I saw some serious knife work and I learned how to handle fish and got my hands all slimy from touching them, espicially since its spawning season and the fish were engorged with fish eggs and fish sperm. My hands, after handling all the fish, were basicially little cum-buckets for fish mojo.

Many brokeback mountain jokes were made, weirdly enough. Even weirder, I made most of them.

After getting all the fish done up, we packed up and returned to Frank's house. There we spent a little time with Frank cleaning his nets and the fish, dividing them up into equal portions for our return home. It was great, no one went home empty handed.

Spending a little time with Frank's very well behaved kids, I stowed all my gear and was driven back to Ottawa with Kirk and Ben by B.B. who very generously drove me all the way back to Orleans. I directed him to a gas station and gave him 20 bucks to help pay for all the gas he used to get me home and I walked a very short distance to my house.

As soon as I got in, I wished my Mom a happy mother's day, gave her a kiss and a hug, regaled her with my adventures and put the fish in the freezer exactly as how Frank told me to so as to preserve them for a long, long time.

Then, I went to bed.

Now, there is alot I didn't include, for brevity and because alot of what happens in the bush, stays in the bush. Yes yes yes, I know, you're all thinking of brokeback mountain. Seriously people, enough brokeback mountain jokes. But I think that this weekend was sacred in a sense, there was alot of learning and sharing of knowledge, an oppurtunity that I'll never regret having taken advantage of and exposure to quite possibly one of the most accepting and generous cultures I've ever come into contact with.

There is no way mere words on a blog can convey how much I learned, how much I enjoyed myself and how eminently satisfying this trip was on an intellectual and spiritual basis.

I start Latin classes on Wednesday.

More later on Capital Slam, which I was in last Thursday.

My incredible, edible trip

2006-05-14T22:28:00.000-05:00

Was a raging success, some might say it was Groin-Grabbingly Good.

I, however, elect not to.

More will come later, it was so much fun, I'm exhausted.

City Semi-Finals

2006-05-08T21:41:00.000-05:00

News and Upcoming Events:

Capital Slam Semi−Finals
Thursday, May 11
hosted by 2005 Capital Slam Champion John Akpata
8 p.m. − Velvet Room − 62 York Street in the Market
$10 at the door
Proceeds from playoff slams go to sending the 2006 Capital Slam Team to the 2006 Canadian Festival of Spoken Word in Toronto

Thursday, June 8, 2006
Capital Slam Championship Finals

After having your minds blown at the semis, the top 8 will do it again! This show, hosted by CBC Radio One personality Alan Neal, will determine the membership of the 2006 Capital Slam Team and this year's Capital Slam Champion! Come join the Capital Poetry Collective as it ends its second Capital Slam season in grand style! Stay tuned for more details.

Academic Suc-SMASH!

2006-05-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

Or success if you're so inclined.

Well, i got my final marks back, 4 A-'s and one B. Now, while that doesn't hold the lustre of the 2 A's I took home last year, I will say this, they demonstrate steady and consistent achievement. An army of A-'s will overcome 2 A's, anytime.

I think the reason I got so many A-'s was a result of how hard this year was on a personal level for me. Maybe if I had some time to just clear my head I could have turned one of them into an A. Que sera sera.

C'est la vie.

The achievements of this year raise my overall average to 9.0 exactly. That's a B+. An overall B+ over three years is nothing to sneeze at, that's quite the laudable achievement of a good scholar.

My average for this year should be an A- as well. Not too shabby eh?

Not too shabby at all.

:)

Hola Senor

2006-05-06T13:24:00.000-05:00

I think this is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Why Stephen Colbert Matters

2006-05-01T12:45:00.000-05:00

Alrighty folks, now here is something you need to see.

You'll have to watch a brief, slightly interactive commercial, but that's a very small price to pay to see this.

You can find it: here

And you can find the follow up: here

I-G-L

2006-04-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

I have crafted a new acronym.

I-G-L.

Inappropriate Grandma Language.

That's right folks, you heard it here first.

I-G-L.

Well, it's breakfast time in the Ruffian household, I had just finished making bitchin' french toast for my Aunt Susan, (who I was surprised to learn is technologically saavy enough to read my blog but unskilled enough to not be able to find the comments section), when talk turns how we all slept last night.

I'm sure all of your families have had similar moments.

Now before I tell the story, I am declaring an injunction that must be strictly adhered to.

I'm looking at you Hek.

The injunction is as follows: No one is to make inappropriate or uncomfortable comments regarding an I-G-L. They are only told. They are not expanded or elaborated on. That's it.

So in regards to that, anyone who violates this injunction understands that it will result in punitive measures against their species, and perhaps their homeworld. I'm from the year 3000, I can make it happen!

Anyways, on with the story.

So my Grannie Ruth, she's talking about the ol' waterbed we have. Now, no one but guests use the waterbed anymore because it was actually discovered that if you use it everyday, you'll actually get MORE backpain, or so my Mom tells me. But for overnight, or a few days, it's alright. The ol' waterbed has a control that makes the bed um... jiggle in such a way as to make it more relaxing. In other words, the bed has a "vibrator".

Guess what happens next.

Now, this is probably out of her lexicon (perhaps even out of my parents, but I doubt that), my Gran was just using the word vibrator left, right and centre. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud/cover my ears and bewail my fate. I can't remember specific sentences and perhaps that's a blessing, but I'll tell you one thing; Gran loves the vibrator.

*shudders*

So that's the I-G-L, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

More news to come, check back for updates.

Urban Warrior

2006-04-26T17:25:00.000-05:00

So I'm lying down on my basement couch in my lucky blue bandana, you know the one, good ol' bluey who has seen me through countless slams and improv shows, when my father comes down and stares me straight in the eye and says the following. "Alright, at 1900 hours, we will be going to an Indian restaurant for an evening of fine dining. YOU shall be suitably attired in such a fashion as to make it look like you CARE about your grandmother and mother, not like you're some kind of refugee from one of Che Cuervera's bands of Urban Warriors! RRRRRRR, you will be ready by 1830 hours or else!" He then gives my bandana the stink eye and stomped off to the chamber of doom to attire himself.

Man, I love my Dad. He's so unintentionally hilarious.

In regards to poetry news: The Capital Slam Semi-Finals, of which I am enrolled as a semi-finalist, are going down on May 11 at the Velvet Room in the Byward market. Doors open at 8, cover is still $10.

Got an idea for a poem, about some dude who hates dogs but gets a puppy every time he breaks up with someone to attract a new chick and then when he breaks up with that one, he lets them have the dog and gets a new one over and over and over again.

Did I mention he hates dogs?

I think it's funny.

Why We Fight

2006-04-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

Wow.

Ok, here's the skinny, I just got back from viewing Eugene Jarecki's film, Why We Fight.

And I will tell you right here and now, I've never seen such a revealing look at American militarism or the influence of the arms industry in a documentary before. Everyone's heard the conspiracy theories and everyone's suspicious of large corporations.

And they should be.

I can't really go into TOO much detail because I'll probably get some minor details wrong and that might totally undo what I'm trying to say here. From a humble mole often comes a mountain....

So I'll like you to the website of Jarecki's film which is

here

Handy that link button, eh?

Ok, on to my own comings and goings.

The last improv show of the year was fan-freaking-tastic. I cannot begin to describe how awesome it was. Everyone was at the top of their game, their timing was impeccable, the laughs were loud and the alcohol was flowing.

Jon came by to see, as well as English Rachel and her friends from the International Students Association... and by that, I mean British people.

The poetry show the night before that however was a real disappointment. I had written an excellent poem that was marred by a speaker that was freaking out and some crazy dude who heckled me throughout. Both these factors lead to me forgetting the last 5 lines of my poem and causing me to rack up some pretty shitty scores.

So I left early, I was very angry. Heckler dude, I am told, had to be escorted off the premises after I left. I have not lost my temper in a long, long time. I'm proud of that, but my blood was boiling. I would like to say that I would have stayed calm and not done anything viol... stupid, but I was so angry that I don't think I could honestly say that.

So I left, calmed down, and chalked it up to experience. Next time, don't hold the mic so close.

My Gran is in town, Dad is very healthy and my brother Andrew had his deployment to Afghanistan pushed back to July, which is nice I suppose, but he'll have to go eventually.

Took my Irish Gran to Wakefield today, ate at Alpengruss, the German restaurant there. Can't recommend it enough. The Gatineau area is one of Canada's most majestic areas.

Afterwards, we returned to the city of Ottawa, whereupon I took her on a automobile tour of Ottawa's main government institutions, Carleton university and some of the embassies, including Japan, Saudi Arabia, the USA, Poland and others.

Yesterday I went to Meghan Hardings for Easter dinner. We had Prime Rib and Lasagna and we ate it on the floor on a pic-a-nic blanket. Other activities included watching Chappelle Show, talking about school, eating bunny bread made by Meghan's sister Hollis, learning how hard the Star Trek TNG boardgame is and also how lame it is as well. Chriss McIlveen, who is now the artisitic director of Carleton's theatre group Sock N' Buskin has made some suggestions about Carleton Improv and Sock N' Buskin teaming up for some shows next year.

I was installed as the Executive Officer (read, Commander Riker, or Colonel Tigh) of the Carleton Improv Association by the team at the end of the year. As CIA-XO, it isn't really my purview to approve these things without consulting CIA-Commanding Officer, Abigail Bimman.

Being CIA-XO isn't really a dream come true. Nor would being CIA-CO be any better. The only reason I've been able to so fully commit to the CIA was because I didn't have to run it. Now I have to help run it more than I've done in the past 3 years. I'm up to it, it probably just won't be as fun as it used to.

That is the burden of leadership.

My duties will include aiding in running practices, recruitment, travel, booking shows and promotion.

Time for me to saddle up and show some leadership, help people build their skills and continue to provide a FREE improv performance every 6 weeks to the student body of Carleton university.

I know I can do it. I'm a fourth year darnit!

I have decided I want to go to Library school. I want to be a librarian. Usually I would share the thought process that lead to this... but I don't have the patience to write out 50 pages.

Needless to say I'm thrilled, excited and eager to go. I'll probably take a year off to work though and make money to pay for it though.

Um lets see.... There is alot more to talk about... I'm forgetting something...

AH YES!

Fourth year seminars. I got into both of the one's I wanted, Interwar Culture and Society taught by S. Whitney and The Cold War Society of the United States taught by F. Goodwin. They both have good reps and I think these courses will rock out loud.

Hard.

You have to have the permission of the instructor to enroll in their classes. I made my case and was rewarded. Score one for diligent scholarship.

Finish my exams next Wed, not this Wed, but next Wed, the 26th of April.

Wish me luck

Holy Smokes, Redux

2006-04-16T22:30:00.000-05:00

Holy Smokes, I need to update.

How bad do I need to update?

Well to borrow a phrase and then change it a little from 50 (Fif'y) Cent, I need to update like a fat kid needs to stop eating cake.

Which is alot.

I usually only update when I'm stressed and depressed or have a show to pimp. So far, none of these are happening and I've been to busy spending time with my Gran, drinking wine and talking about Ancient Rome with my friends. It's been pretty awesome actually. Oh yes, we drank some brandy as well.

I promise to update in the next 3 days with the followup to Improv, exams and other exciting stuff.

Holy Moly... My room is finally clean

2006-04-05T17:17:00.000-05:00

Well after about 5 years of tolerating a general state of messiness, I bit the bullet and decided that since I officially have nothing to do, I should give it a go.

And what a go!

Man, I had to vacuum every square inch (even the ceiling!), there was so much dust everywhere! I threw out 8 grocery bags of old school projects, poetry that had long since been abandoned, old clothes and jim-jams and gee-gaws and other assorted useless crap.

I rearranged everything too, my work station was relocated to the opposite end of the room while my old clothes cabinet was placed in the closet under the coatrack for more efficent clothing storage. My tall cabinet was placed against the opposite wall of it's original postion in between my computer work space and my bookcase/desk.

Speaking of my books, I took a complete inventory and was able to place them in specific categories that include (but are not limited to) Philosophy, Canadian, American, British, German and Russian literature, Science Fiction, Poetry and for seperate Authors who have written lenghty series that I own.

I've totally reorganized the Feng Shui, or whatever the hell it's called. My room feels like it has less in it and is able to breath. Plus with all the MAD vacuuming I did, I suspect I won't get as sniffly as I used to be.

I took down a bunch of old movie posters that I acquired during Junior High and High school and I definitely think that the ol' room has become a serious space for a 21 year old, albeit, a 21 year old who still lives with his parents. Ha! I cleaned the entire place and all they had to do was yell at me for 21 years.

There are billions of other minor things I did, but I shan't bore you with the minutae.

On to NON-BORING STUFF!

As always, Capital Slam is this friday at 8pm at the Gap of Dunloe pub on the corner of Bank and Cooper! Don't be late because seats fill up fast, 7 dollar admission.

The Carleton Improv Association is pleased to present its year end show this Saturday at 7:30 pm at Mike's place, second floor unicentre @ Carleton University. Be there and Be square.

Moonicipal

2006-03-29T23:36:00.000-06:00

Things getting steadily more tolerable.

Began my english essay today, in that I wrote the outline and marked all the page references I am going to use with them handy lil' post-it-notes.

I would prefer it if they were called Stick-em's.

Applying for jobs at the local SDM and whatnot, and on the requisite government websites for Federal, Provincial, Municipal and MOO-nicipal jobs. I hope I don't get offered a job at MOO-nicipal court. Those cows know how to litigate.

It would rawk if I got a job at the ol' LCBO or the Beer Store, but they aren't hiring at the moment. Blast. Those jobs are unionized, so they're protected and are really stable. It also means that if I want a job there I'll probably have to wait until someone dies or gets canned for massive corruption/theft, and unless these LCBO or Beer Store employees are members of the liberal party, I don't reckon that's likely.

My friend Frank Meness is running for Chief of the Anishnabeg nation next year. I hope he wins. Frank, who as an assistant land claims negotiator, has sat on the tribal council for a few years, is an experienced family man who just finished his graduate studies at Carleton University and recently had the privilege of welcoming Chiefs from all over Canada to Gatineau for a conference of, you guessed it, aboriginal chiefs.

Frank said he'd keep an eye out for any job applications I filled out and flag them if they came his way. He also said that I'm a good guy and that anytime I'd like a letter of recommendation, then I could have one from him. People like Frank (That's Mr. Meness to everyone else!) are the salt of the earth, they give with both hands and ask only for hard work and good attitudes.

From the way he described them to me, he's got a beautiful family too. Now don't that just beat all, eh?

His buddy Kirk is pretty cool too. They hang out with some dude that looks like Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. I secretly suspect that this one white guy they hang around with did some pretty hardcore, fucked up shit to be allowed to hang around with them. Maybe he killed Sasquatch with his bare hands and that got it on with Mrs. Sasquatch. Now that's what I call taking one for the team.

Dad's much better, but still isn't back to work. he is chafing to get back into action, by which I mean his desk. No, Dad isn't a line officer anymore. Though his efforts to design mine detection systems to make our Oceans safer (you wouldn't believe how many sea mines are still out there from World War One, not to mention World War Two, in the range of hundreds of thousands) are necessary for safer trade and maritime defence, I think he wishes he could still sail the seas as master of a ship in Her Majesty's Royal Canadian Navy.

But Dad got to have his own command, actually, he got to have several commands in his career. Ambition fulfilled.

But I digress.

Things are getting steadily better for me.

New show dates

2006-03-24T14:29:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone, Don't forget to check out the great shows coming up next month!

IMPROV:

SATURDAY APRIL 8
7:30 pm at Mike's Place
Carleton University, second floor unicentre,
Outside the food court and under the new stairs

The Carleton Improv Association is pleased to present the YEAR END 'PROV! Come one, come all to the C.I.A.'s farewell salute to the 2005/2006 academic year. With such memorable veteran 'provers such as Eric Rosenhek of CKCU's Thursday Morning Blend, Captain Noel Waghorn, David Underwood (no, he's not a hobbit) and rising stars such as Chris Hannay and Abi Bimman, who each already have their own established fan base.

Don't forget to come out and cheer on all the new members of the C.I.A., Will the Thrill, Tim Rose, Claire Biddiscombe, Kirsten Dutch-12, and Nova Scotian Laura.

Come as we celebrate the year with old favourites from our traditional lineup as well as new and exotic MOOOOOOOONNNNNNTREAL GAMES, courtesy of our good buddies at McGill Improv, who we hope will come by.

POETRY:

Capital Slam
FRIDAY, APRIL 7
featuring the 2006 Montreal Slam Team:
Kaie Kellough, Lady Katalyst,Jason Selman & Aliyah Thomas
8 p.m.
Gap of Dunloe - 263 Bank Street

SATURDAY, MARCH 25

FreeStylz Release Party

8 p.m. - Babylon, 317 Bank Street

Local filmmaker Tasha Waldron release her 28-minute "danceumentary" on freestyle and street dance both past and present. Join Yardiz and Verse-a-tyle, two of the groups featured in the film, along with DJ Bojangles and Tru Sound, for a memorable night in tribute to urban dance. $7 at the door. Read more about this event in the Ottawa Xpress.

FRIDAY, MARCH 31

John Akpata CD Release Party

7 p.m. - Mercury Lounge, 56 Byward St. in the Market

Join John and an amazing line-up of musicians and special guests including Garmamie Sideau, Rob Pelletier, JOKKO's Usman Ali Khan and Abdu Sy, Soul Jazz Orchestra's Steve Patterson and Zach Frantz, and Adam Saikaley of As The Poets Affirm for the official release party for the critically acclaimed CD Kerheb. The party includes a projection show, prize giveaways and more! $5 at the door.

AHAHAHAHAHA

2006-03-23T00:04:00.000-06:00

I'm D-O-N-E Mofos!

Well, not really, I still have 3 exams and one essay. But it's an english essay, for an english essay all you have to do is write down your feelings basically. And come on... it's only 3 exams, Roman History, Soviet Foreign Affairs and Classical Myth.

I've noticed my workload actually get quantitatively smaller bit by bit and qualitatively harder by leaps and bounds with each passing semester. I suppose they design it that way. Needless to say, I have finished a very trying ordeal. I wrote a F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S Soviet Foreign Affairs essay having to reconstruct six weeks notes within a span of about 4 days. I'm not sure how I did it, but I did. Thankfully, I got the rough work requirement waived, so I don't have to turn in the notes I took, which aren't that much save an outline and page numbers.

I also, for all intensive purposes, finished my Historical Theory and Method class with the completion of a mid-term this monday. Since I have no exam for this class and the essay is handed in, I'm done and technically don't have to go to class. But I will, for the participation points in my TA group. I really took it on the chin for that class. Handed in a good essay late and showed up and hurriedly wrote a mid-term that I never wanted to write. I sped through it and got the hell outta there. I'm guessing C+ as my grade on that test. B- overall I'm hoping for.

Yeah, with Dad going into the hospital and his recovery... my dedication to scholarship kinda had to take one for the team. I've been really lost and lonely. But I went out into the desert and came out alive, as it were. Just one of those tests of life that make you a man I suppose.

Good news. On Tuesday I wrote a Roman History test that I know I aced. I know it. I wrote a Rock Star test, which is the one good thing I'm taking out of this. Unforutunately, I had to ditch class to come home and work on my paper, but given the past few weeks... well... I'm willing to let myself off the hook and not beat myself up too much about it. I'm sure the Emperor Nero can get along fine without me.

More Good news. Guess who proofread my essay tonight? That's right, MY DAD! He's up and about and while he's still rough around the edges, he feels well enough to watch TV, play computer games (ok, Computer Game, Civilization III to be specific) and proofread papers. Being a line officer for the longest time hasn't made Dad into an idiot. Now that he's a staff officer at the Department of National Defence, he has to do alot of paperwork and he is fully skilled in spotting errors, slaying dangling participles and eliminating superflous language. That's right, my Dad is a terminator, but for every word he takes out, a ton of clarity is inserted.

Ever since he started proofreading my papers, I've been getting A-'s, A's and B+'s. So yeah, why not let him eh? Sometimes letting someone take a hatchet to your words is the best thing you can do, and since I trust my Dad more than anyone, who better than him to destroy my wordiness?

What a hellish month. But now I can look forward to leisurely classes, a relaxed study schedule for exams in mid-late April (So... Much... Time... To... Study...), an improv show and poetry slams.

Not only that, but I'm taking summer classes this year! That means no boring summer for me. I should have done this ages ago. Nothing keeps you sharper, like learning over the summer.

Having a minor in Classics is gonna kick ass I reckon. Next year I'll be doing seminars. Hope there are some good ones. But since they've changed the curriculum at Carleton, I'll only have to take two instead of three. That leaves me more freedom to take a course I might like.

This good feeling I have is only outweighed by my own fatigue and backpain. It's as if all the crap that's been on my shoulders the whole last while has just finally dropped off and damn man... it's exhausting. I'm pooped. S'pose I'd better go to bed.

I'll post up some poetry and improv shows you won't want to miss tomorrow. Seeya!

2006-03-19T15:15:00.000-06:00

Hands march across the face
Tick Tock
Spaces places faces
Invented races
Separated by two social constructs
Male, female
Women and men
You are not the sum of your genitals
Fucker, sucker
Screw, having sex, making babies
Filling up wombs with babies
She didn’t want to, but he had his way
Rape, Rapine and Murder
Investigator, defecator
Supreme instigator
More spaces, places, faces
More invented races
Excuses exterminate as thoroughly as bullets
Bullets, bones and splattered brains
From Papa Doc to cattle trains
Peddling flesh
Want it live, gotta pay the dime
So it can put in the time
Suck your cock or wash yer rocks
Or pull your plantings out the ground
So we can drink some coffee ‘fore the morning rounds
Then talk shop, talk chop
Talk about our kids in daycare
Playing hopscotch on pavement chalk
Someone be peddling their flesh one day
Someone be exterminating them one day
Someone be raping them one day
Murdering them, separating them, denying them
Assigning them spaces, places, faces
Based on the contents of their pants
Their skin, their true believing?
In the name of a bureaucracy nobody enjoys
Except hooker 1 and hooker 2
The temple, the church, and the tabernacle
Clinging to my wallet like a barnacle
Carnival of errors
The hands march across the face of the clock
Tick Tock, Tick Tock, there’s always a time to kill
In spaces, places and faces
Destroy those invented races and shed not two tears, but one, so that everyone knows you care.

Right

2006-03-17T17:19:00.000-06:00

Soviet history, more than just a dialectic?

Finally

2006-03-16T21:23:00.000-06:00

My Dad is home and all is right with the world for the moment.

Thank you to everyone who helped me through this difficult time.

Crappy Crappy Crappy Ass

2006-03-14T00:18:00.000-06:00

The title says it all.

I'll start with good news. My Dad is alot better. He'll be in the hospital a few more days, but the outlook is positive and hopeful.

So that's good and makes me happy.

On to the crap.

My life has just gotten so shitty so fast it's unbelievable.

All month, people have been hurting my feelings, my friends and I have fought (most distressing of all was when I fought with Abigail, which I didn't want to do at all because she was only trying to help), my Dad's in the hospital, Josee broke up with me this time last year, I'm tired all the time, I'm still a little sick, I had to hand in my theory paper late and take a deduction and to top it all off...

Essentially my situation is this: I completed all my research for an essay weeks ago and kept it on my disk until I needed it. I placed my disk into my computer to work on my essay and now it won't read my disk and asks me if I want to format it. Since formatting it would erase all the data on it, I'm in quite a quandary.

The data is gone. What? It's gone. Finito. Done. Dead, all gone. 18 pages of notes compiled over a period of 6 weeks. Gone.

It worked fine yesterday on the Carleton library computers. The only thing I did there was write the title page, my introduction and then divide all my notes up by author into seperate word files so I wouldn't be working in one long, unwieldy document.

I heard from a friend, the lovely Justine Elamatha, (sorry everyone, she's outta your league) that the Carleton computers have been fucking with people's data. Like wiping their stuff when people are trying to save. I think that might have fucked up my disk.

Therefore, I'm afraid I have no alternative but to ask for an extension, and it's all Carleton university's fault.

Well... not entirely.... I was very stupid. I backed up the notes for ALL my essays EXCEPT this one. I could have saved myself a great deal of trouble by taking the time to open all these files a week ago and hitting SAVE TO C:MYDOCUMENTS

Still... I was very pissed off.

However, I am no longer angry or sad. Just used to the fact I have to do this stuff all over again. I have sent an email to my prof and left him a phone message at his office. I hope to hear from him soon about a possible extension. Hopefully, he won't get on me for not backing up the files and grilling me to make me feel bad in exchange for an extension. I've never had to ask for an extension before... I've had some friends who've gotten the third degree from profs in exchange for a measly two days. Not nice. Not nice at all.

To top it off, next week I have not one, but two midterms. Yikes. So essentially what was to be a relatively fun and easy essay to write has no become the most difficult assignment I have yet to face. Oh boy.

I remain positive to the utmost though. It's times like these when you seperate the boys from the boyz to men.

Wherein My Dad has to go to the hospital

2006-03-08T19:22:00.000-06:00

About 10 minutes after I left for school today, my Dad had to be taken to the emergency room by my Mom. Mom is a nervous driver. She's just nervy over all, and she HATES driving in my Dad's car. She doesn't know how to adjust the seat.

But she drove him to the hospital, where he collapsed in the emergency room.

My Dad had cancer you see. Colon Cancer. He had it removed when I was in high school. There was a long painful recovery.

He had a stent changed yesterday. After he had his colon removed, they put this little tube, called a stent, into him and it regulates the amount of bile that the Liver dumps into his shorter digestive tract (which is shorter because, hey, no colon) If too much bile goes in, he gets sick and then dies. But the stent has to be changed every 10 months. He got it changed yesterday, but it got infected. He's on Anti-biotics now and painkillers too. I hope he's asleep and not in pain right now.

I feel so bad for not being here. It's not my fault, but he was feeling so rough this morning. I wish I had known he was so sick.

It hit me. This is how my Dad is going to die. One day, he'll just collapse as a consequence of having had his body put back together after the cancer... and he'll die.

I hope that however I die, it will be quick.

I hope I'm there next time. I'd want to be there for him, so he wouldn't have to die alone.

I was gonna put up my Vaganza experience, but I'm having a hard time remembering it. If you look at the links, I think you'll find that Budman posted an excellent summary of the event, and I'm sure my buddy the Hek, who is also in the links, will render an accurate portrayal as well.

Needless to say. Vaganza was a blast.

Now I have to find someway to get this Postmodernist essay written.

The Vaganza Monologues

2006-03-07T00:03:00.000-06:00

Okay y'all, here's the skinny.

I'm fairly busy wit' school and the like, so what I'll do is post the Vaganza Monologues, a blow by blow, hour by hour record of the funniest or most memorable lines of the entire 24 hours as recorded by the McGill and Carleton improv teams! What fun! I'll post a personal recollection of Vaganza from my point of view at a later date.

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Vaganza Monologues 2006

Hour 1: 12pm-1pm (Photo: To Kill A Mockingbird)
12:15 pm: (during the alphabet game)
Andrew: Ahh...Strip club it is.
Bryan: (in Brittish accent)Titties and Ass.

12:30 pm: 3 crotch grabs already.

12:42pm: (during a manip about Andrew’s dead grandmother)
Andrew: She’s already infamous.
Bryan: Oh, what was her name?
Andrew: Betty..... Crocker.

12:46pm: (Adrienne is trying to buy a milk carton with a picture of Germany on it)
Adrienne: And what’s that a picture of?
Bryan: It’s a picture of your... conscience...
Adrienne: And...
Bryan: It has a swastika on it.
Adrienne: And what’s that around it?
Bryan: Hitler’s face.

12:50pm Bryan (as Arianne, the storekeeper):Are you anthropormorphizing storage structures?

12:55pm Ken: Susan, our entire relationship is based on you being blind and me being an asshole.

12:58 pm Ken gives Bryan the first circumcision of the day.

Hour 2: 1pm-2pm (Photo: Of Mice And Men)

Hour 3: 2pm-3pm (Photo: Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone)

Hour 4: 3pm-4pm (Photo: How To Win Friends and Influence People)

3:30 pm Bryan: I’ve got a bum knee how do you explain that?
(to invisible birds)
*pause*
Jeremy: Oh... that’s a pretty good explanation.

3:32 pm Bryan :Yeah, bum knee.
Jeremy: Who’d you catch that from?
Bryan: The bricks.

3:36 Evan: I think he may be dead. I think he may have temporarily died to increase air resistance.

3:37pm Evan: Watch those corpses shooting down the mountainside!

3:39 (Detective scene, Bryan is the detective, the location is the Botanical Gardens)
Bryan enters scene with disgusted look on his face, waving his hand in front of his face
Jeremy enters scene smiling and smelling the air happily

Bryan: Sorry if I seem to be elsewhere, I’m being fondled by my assistant.

3:53
Bryan (In response to the audience suggestions): Uh, question from the players... what do those words mean?

3:55
Bryan: (in Musical Freeze): Wazabadabadoo...

Hour 5: 4-5pm (Photo: A Tale Of Two Cities)

4:04pm
Mariana (introducing arms debate): Can I get a non-controversial topic? ......I don’t know why we’d be debating a non-controversial topic, but....

4:09pm
Andrew: Ah, see, now she’s biting my fucking leg, are you happy?

4:23pm
Life is like... making fun of Andrew!
Adam: Life is like a watch: Andrew is too lazy to get his fixed.
Bryan: Life is like a watch: even Andrew’s is right twice a day.
Bryan: Life is like a tampon, and Andrew’s a big poo-poo head!’

4:34pm’
Andrew (old job new job, as judge who used to be a cowboy): I wish I knew how to acquit you.

4:52pm
Merav: It’s so difficult to be a sculptor. I mean how many guys care about what you do with your hands?
4:56pm
Josh:It’s like I’m bicycling but I’m not.

Hour 6: 5-6pm (Photo: Lord of the Flies)

5:50pm
Josh: Can I get a B-movie actor from the 80s? (best ask-for, EVER)
Audience: Dolph Lundgren!

5:55pm Ken to Adrienne: She thinks you’re a giant, linguistic acorn!

Hour 7: 6-7pm (Photo: A Million Little Pieces)

6:11pm
Marc: Uh... Pollen!!

6:31pm
Marc: Killer gums!

6:33pm
Bryan: Wait, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation... I have a degree from Concordia!

6:40pm
Adam: Oh, Deacon. Come here. We need an old priest and a young priest. Well, you’re really a priest in training.
Bryan: Oh, I know what I am.

6:44pm
Bryan: You touched the priest in an inappropiate manner, and for a priest, that’s saying something.

6:48pm
There is a guy in the audience who is napping! napping! It’s not even 7!!!!!!!! I believe this is a first!

6:55 Bryan (World’s Worst gym teacher) Go fat kid go! Go fat kid go!
Bryan (World’s Worst gym teacher) Lookin’ cute Nancy!
Bryan (World’s Worst gym teacher) Lookin’ cute Raul!

6:59 Note from the audience: Goddammit! This is Mariana, and I just thought of another Life is Like for tampons! Life is like a tampon: it’s all about the vagina!

6:59 Adrienne: Here we have intelligent man. Intelligent man is very endangered.

Hour 8: 7-8pm (Photo: A Clockwork Orange)

7:05pm Noel (Carleton!) This will be a scene in Gibberish. Which I guess you call Quebecois...

7:21pm
Noel: You’re one of those upper-class, sense-of-entitlement jaywalkers!

7:29pm Abby: Remember the last time you tried to spin an elaborate scientific lie?!

7:45 Noel: Who’s going to need to chew gum 24 7? Hookers!
Eric: And people at vaganza!

Noel: What would catch the hooker’s attention? Money! We can make the package look like money!

7:52pm Owen: I am the amalgamated clone descendent of Pat Roberston, Bill O’Reilly, Queen Victoria and the Pope... and his first stripper.

7:55pm Abby (World’s Worst Whale) Kirsten, look at my sparkly spout! I’m Your Little Whale!

7:57pm
David (World’s worst construction worker): Aw, shit, we’re out of lego.

7:59pm Abby: Ok look Kirsten, I’ve lined up all our construction helmests, taken hamsters, put glue on their feet, and now they’re going to race and we’ll see who gets to the other side of the room first!
Kirsten: You’re a monster!

Hour 9: 8-9pm (Photo: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish)

8:13pm
I see that you got the Diggus Alloverus””says Marc refering to moles.

8:18pm Nikki: In order to be in this business you have to be very organized and I can see that you’re not organized.
Bryan: Oh come on...
Nikki: Oh come on! Your fly’s undone...that’s not very organized.

8:22pm
Marc giving the rubber chicken mouth-to-beak resuscitation

8:26pm
Vinny: Hi! Welcome to beautiful PEI!
Bryan: Wow... It looks just like New Brunswick.
Vinny: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.

8:31pm
Nikki: Wow, you guys look great.
Marc: Thanks, we just got back from the most amazing sex. On money.

8:51pm
Nikki: You know, communication doesn’t always have to be about words; It can be about touching too...

Hour 10: 9-10pm (Photo: Paradise Lost)

9:05pm
Ilya: Like any respected Host, i like my bitches and my hoes.

9:10pm
Ilya (introducing scene): (Pointing to Melanie) Okay, you’re going to be moving Maryam, She won’t be able to move. (Pointing to Owen from CIA) You’re going to be moving Melanie, she won’t be able to move.

9:23pm
Maryam: I know I know you feel: your space is being invaded. But think about how invaded your space will be when I stick that dagger in your face.

9:30pm
[Adrienne space jumps on, wielding a knife]
Josh: It was Andrew!
Ilya: Andrew, I told you not to steal from the Arab market!

9:36pm
Maryam: First, you need to get to Mars.
Ilya: We’re on Mars.
Maryam: Good.

9:42pm
Adrienne: Sir, I would like to buy a weiner.

9:43pm
Ilya: Wait, Tuesdays are when explosions happen!
Andrew (as Narrator): Wait wait wait, that’s too corny, I can’t use the title of the book in the first chapter!

Hour 11: 10-11pm (Photo: The Hobbit)

10:28pm
Ken: Instead of saying you’re out,..it says the other thing. What’s the other thing? (silence...)

10:31pm
Adam: Woah. Bambie’s also the costume change woman?
Mariana (who is a stripper): What? So I know a lot about taking clothes off quickly.

that is one happy red endogenous dove sparrow! (mariana 1045)

10:49
Adam: how much those pants cost you?
Jeremy: uhh...
Adam: if the answer is one tire, the answer is correct!
Arvind ( as jeremy’s thought): but these are the pants my father gave me on his death bed...

10:54pm (during 187 ‘platypuses’)
Mariana: 187 platypodes...
Ken: What?
Mariana: That’s the fucking plural, I’m a linguist.

10:55pm: I don’t know what he has to do with this race, but that was good. (Ken then flashes the audience and runs off stage)

10:57pm (While playing freeze)
Jeremy: FREEZE! (While in the actual scene...)

Hour 12: 11-12 (Photo: Heart of Darkness)
11:05pm
Josh: Oh, yeah that... I mean ARRRRG! Because I’m still angry!

11:13pm
Z: Don’t you have any other bandanas? You can’t have only one.
Andrew: Yes. This is the only one. It’s called Bandana Store, not Bandanas Store. My brother runs that.

11:22pm
Josh: caterpillers are fun, it’s their distant cousins that are bitches!

11:25pm: Merav: Are you an... English teacher?
Andrew: Non.

11:28pm
Josh: We were in Paris together. How come you left me?
Andrew: Well, I was on vacation and then I came home.
Josh: But with you it was like a party in my mouth and everyone is invited. (Trying to get someone to guess making out.)

11:37pm Josh (World’s Worst Dentist) Ok open wide... GAH! What are those white things?!

11:40pm Merav: 187 parking meters walk into a bar. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ....

11:51 PM Andrew: C’mon over here Jenny, Beta says its ok.

11:55pm
Ilya (commentating on the olympics of pancake making): And we see her now, putting on her goggles, because that syrup can get all up in your grill.

Hour 13: 12-1am (Photo: Life of Pi)

12:19pm
Mariana: Ma’am— I mean, sir.
Z: I am a single father. I know we’re a rare breed. But we cling to our masculinity like barnacles on a ship.

12:32 Adrienne - “You know, I think I could really go for a pickle.”

12:37 Chris “Life is like a sharp knife - take it on the plane at your own risk”

12:52am
Mariana: Can I get a non-sexual relationship between two people
Audience: Sorority sisters!
Ilya: That’s pseudo-sexual.

Hour 14: 1-2am (Photo: Cat In The Hat)

Ken: I couldn’t help but overhear that you have a broken squirrel vacuum. I have just the thing: nature! Because nature abhors a vacuum. Abhor! Abhor!

Josh: As you can see, it’s perfectly safe to put my head into this lion’s mouth...
Josh: [a few seconds later] As you can see, it’s perfectly safe to call for an ambulance...

1:53 am
I carved this for you out of a peice of wood, it’s a tree trunk! (Ken as world’s worst carver.)

Hour 15: 2-3am (Photo: Stephen King’s It)

2:18 Noel: So what would you like, we’ve got a psychedelic soup with lots of flavours and colours or we’ve got, uh, steak.

2:40 am:
“melbourne! where even the genitalia are upside down!” Noel with city slogans

Hour 16: 3-4am (Photo: Moby Dick)

3:36 - Eric: It’s something you think about in general and often
Owen: Pornography?

3:45 - Noel: We need a dead celebrity
Mariana: Marilyn Monroe
Maryam: Yup, she’s dead.

3:52 - Kirsten: Hey, you really smell like nuts.

Hour 17: 4-5am (Photo: The Da Vinci Code)

4:26am
Andrew: I think we’re being clapped off.

4:29am: Josh suggests doing a scene accompanied by him on the tam-tam and Noelle on the harp. Andrew’s head explodes.

4:39am: Josh doesn’t know who Mussolini is, either.

4:44am
Josh (during questions only): I think I killed her! Wait, that’s not a question.

Hour 18: 5-6am (Photo: Goosebumps— all of them)

5:39am: Owen from Carleton is doing freestyle poetry.

5:43am
Merav: Captain, we have a ship heading for us at 20,000 light... miles... per second.

5:50am
During 3 headed interview, Andrew is seen walking by in the background drinking coffee (...and he’s not even in this hour...)

5:51am
By now everyone is wearing jackets and hats due to the extreme cold seeping through the boarded up window that is in the process of being fixed.

Hour 19: 6-7am (Photo: War and Peace)

6:23am
Audience: (during a manip) Are we supposed to be ‘oohing’ now? I wasn’t here for the selection process.

6:30am
Mariana, Adam, and Noelle are having a menage a trois in the front row.

6:47am
Andrew (guessing during a manip): Religious.... tracts?
Audience: [cheers]
Andrew: What the hell is a religious tract?
Mariana: Ha! A word that Andrew doesn’t know!
Ken: Yeah, why don’t you go play Scrabble?
(Best part of this whole scene was the sad/tired/confused look on Andrew’s face as he stood there and appended the word religious to everything suggested. “Religious... iPods? Religious tractors?”)

6:59am
Ken is trying to get ‘Goldie Hawn’ in a manipulation, and Arvind, Josh, and Andrew are doing a terrible job getting him to guess.
Ken: Well, this is gold material, gentlemen.
Andrew: YES! It is!
Ken: Oohhhhh.... Goldie Hawn.

Hour 20: 7-8am (Photo: Little Women)

7:12am: Mariana and Adam have cracked, and are just jabbering madly to each other on stage (Coffee of Doom!). Josh and Eric are valiantly trying to play Deaths in a Minute over the noise.

7:13am: Mariana and Adam are back to normal.

7:13am (Deaths in a minute on the moon)
Adam: I’ve discovered water on the moon....... TSUNAMI! (still too soon)

7:40am
Eric: All I got to say is keep pushing

7:57am
Eric: My main goal in life is to develop a normal... well, not a normal, but a Canadian accent.

Hour 21: 8-9am (Picture: Socks For Supper, Merav’s favourite childhood book)

8:29am
Merav: Just having Paris Hilton’s name taped to my back makes me feel skanky.
Josh: You are skanky.
[not part of a scene]

8: 36am Eric: I thought you were about to start teabagging everyone spontaneously (not part of the scene)

8:40am: Arvind takes off sheets of paper--but leaves the sheep.

8:50am Arvind is a suicidal cigarette who smokes himself half to death and then stubs himself out in an act of desperation.

Hour 22: 9-10am (Picture: 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea)

9:06am
Storytell or die is down to Josh and Kirsten, and Arvind says they must tell the last story in the style of monkeys. Kirsten starts screeching in Josh’s face, to which he immediately replies: “Okay, you win.”

9:37am
Josh: Can I get a weird and wacky object that you’re not sure why it ever existed?
Andrew: The keeper!
Mariana: Hey, the keeper is fucking awesome, okay?
Josh: What’s the keeper?
Mariana: The keeper is a menstrual cup. Instead of tampons, which absorb blood, the keeper—
Josh: Okay, that’s enough of that. Can I have something you would find in a hornet’s nest, that isn’t hornets?
Mariana: What are you, twelve?!
Eric: We’re talking about Josh here.

9:38am
Arvind: Okay, on the count of three, we’ll all shout out, “Come back....” ...Who did we send out?

9:43am Noelle: Welcome to Imported Foods and Exotics Incorporated.

9:58am Owen (Carleton): Cleeeque...it’s a camera who doesn’t speak good English. Click!

9:59am Noelle: You just hit that pedestrian.
Owen: That’s ok, it’s only a Montreal pedestrian.
Noelle: Oh right, we’re allowed to hit three of them per day.
Owen: Just as long as we don’t turn right.

Hour 23: 10-11am (Picture: 1984)

10:17am
Mariana: Just be real.
Merav: More specific.

10:25am
Adam: “...and here we have Towtruck Jimmy”

10:27am
Adam: I plan to discuss it in my next book, Towtrucks: The Other White Man’s Burden.

10:37am: Number of NEW audience members to turn up since lockdown: 5!!!!!!!

10:42am
Merav: Can we get a new occupation? [for world’s worst]
Audience: Astronaut!
Merav: We’ve already done astronaut too many times in the last 24 hours.... Although it was excellent.

10:53am Merav: Hi Freddy Sr.... not yet.

Hour 24: 11am-12pm (Photo: The Wizard of Oz)

11:14 Noel: I’ve been thinking, about the Torah. It’s on a big scroll, right? So why don’t we have it on like a big LCD screen and it just scrolls down?

Josh: Oh my God this looks like a different religion altogether!

Noel: See those giant Hebrew characters? And I mean like Lenny and Zippy they’re real characters.

Noel: Ok we’ve got ourselves a problem. God sent us a bum TV!

11:22am
Mariana: Life is like venetian blinds, if you don’t like them, it’s curtains for you.

11:23am
Owen: Life is like a Rubik’s cube: so many colours, and none of them ever seem to work together.
Owen: Life is like a Rubik’s cube: it’s mass-produced cheaply in China.
Noel: Life is like a Rubik’s cube: if you go on the internet you can figure it out in 45 seconds.

11:36
Noel: Fortunately, I was an expert fisherman from my days on BassPro USA

Noel: (as a Whale-like man) Oh hi honey, i love you oooooowooowwwwwooo (whale noises!)

11:46
Josh: The Dead Sea - now you can walk on water too!
11:47
Josh: The Saraha Desert - no water to walk on here!
11:49
Marianna: Niagara Falls: it’s a place and a complete sentence.

Final photo: Animal Farm

At least I have Montreal

2006-03-02T20:41:00.000-06:00

*sigh*

I had the worst day today.

First off, I slept in and nearly didn't get a paper in on time (I was able to sprint to my prof's office and hand-delvier it to him 2 minutes before he was set to close up), then I had to come home immediately because my mom only grudgingly allowed me to use her car. Little did I know that there was practically no gas in the tank. I nearly ran out of gas on the freeway on the way home and had to fill her up. Gas prices today rose higher than yesterday, when the car could have been filled. Before leaving school however, I was able to get to the Registrar's office and declare my minor in Classics relatively hassle free, which is good news.

When I came home, I had to run emergency errands for my mom who forgot about all this stuff she had to do and that ate up a good bit of time that I could have used for eating and such. Upon completion of said crazy errands, I left home and walked to the bus stop to go back to school. Upon arriving, I realized I had forgotten my wallet with all the bus tickets contained within. So I walk back home, beg the car off mom, return to school and get stuck in traffic getting there.

I have no time before class to do anything at all so I go to class quickly. Now in this class, Soviet Foreign policy, I did get a minor A+ assignment back, which is very good, but I found out during the break that I had forgotten my disk at home. I needed that disk for work I wanted to do at the library, so I was like SHIT! Now I can't do ANYTHING, even with the few hours left that the library is open for. I wanted to do note taking and drafting for a crazy go nuts Theory essay I have on monday, this theory essay is the big killer and I was able to get zero work done today, so now I feel as if my chestnuts are really in the fire here.

After this, I was about to come home when I noticed a cute girl, and I thought I'd ask her out, because hey, life is what you make it right?

She totally turned me down in the coldest way ever, it was the flattest no I ever heard, it was as if she said "get the hell away from me you stinky, ugly prick" all within the confines of a single syllable. Women have that magic power.

Depressed and dejected and feeling as if I had wasted an entire day, I returned home where I microwaved a mere bowl of soup for supper. The only good things that happened today were A+ and I got my minor declared. The girl, however, kinda killed the buzz I was getting off those. I had just gotten a haircut yesterday and it made me feel good, but now I feel dorky and nerdy looking.

*sigh*

I never meet any nice girls who aren't married, engaged, in a relationship or gay. There are no nice girls out there left to be found.

At least, I have VANganza in Montreal this weekend, which I will tell you about as soon as I get back.

~

The Medal Count

2006-02-25T23:06:00.000-06:00

Well well well....

I don't suppose that you all were keeping track of Canada's medal count, but it appears that, sadly, there is more proof that girls are better than boys: The Olympics. Canada's women are DOMINATING, whereas the Canadian men are sucking out in most cases with the exception of the curling team that is predominantly newfoundlanders. (Go Newfoundland and Labrador, you earned it!)

I'm not surprised with the humiliating loss of Canada's mens hockey. Every other team in the world showed up to play olympic level hockey. The men's hockey team was dogging it out there, probably because most of its players are also in the middle of an NHL hockey season who aren't exactly in their prime either. The olympics, I think, should only be open to the young amateurs, at least in hockey anyways. No one older than 22 on any olympic hockey team, and then my friends, we'll be seeing some serious olympic level hockey.

vanorange and Mudshark audio

2006-02-18T01:14:00.000-06:00

Ok, listen up ladies and gentlemen, what an amazing update for you all to take part in.

I, (Billy Ruffian) proudly announces my affiliation with the good people at Mudshark audio and vanorange records as they begin recording and producing my debut CD, SAVAGE GENTLEMEN.

You can find these good folks at:

mudsharkaudio.com

vanorange.ca

They have produced such high quality works of art such as Ritalin the cerebral stimulant's: CAPITAL THOUGHTS and John Akpata's new CD KERHEB.

Emerging and growing steadily ever since their inception 6 years ago, they've been creating high quality work that has garnered praise from artist and audience alike. They've been providing one of the best creative bridges between artists and the artistic community since and have gained the respect and support of some of Ottawa's finest poets and musicians.

Anyone in Ottawa (or near Ottawa) who is looking for an affordable and easy-to-work-with company should definitely hit up Mudshark Audio and it's indie label, vanorange records, for all their recording needs.

And just an update, the first of many I hope, on my own CD. All the recording has been done and now we're about to enter the stage of picking and choosing which tracks sound best together. Andrew and I (my producer and recording engineer) have recorded alot of tracks over the past year, nearly 2 dozen if I recall correctly, we have enough for two CD's, but right now we're focusing on producing the best, most seamless debut CD we can, so while some beautiful and technically proficient tracks may not get to come out first, they may very well come out in a year or so, should I decide that I'd like to do another CD after this one.

Ain't that exciting? Gives me gooseflesh just thinking about it.

After we finish picking and choosing, Andrew will enter into the editing phase and while he does that, someone who knows how to use photoshop (I haven't been introduced to him yet, but apparently he's quite the guy) will touch up the photo art I had done by my good friend Dave Lemke of All-In-One Productions.

I'd highly recommend Dave to everyone, but unfortunately, he is currently in Australia on an academic exchange. You can find a great deal of Dave's work for free on his online portfolio which is here.

I'll let you know when he gets back to the Ottawa area, we all miss you Dave!

And that's that.

Keep tuned to this ol' blog o' mine for free poetry and more updates on the Ottawa arts scene and my own artistic projects.

Holy Smokes

2006-02-06T11:52:00.000-06:00

Holy Smokes indeed you must be saying.

Billy, you must all be saying, what's with the no updating?

Well, first off, screw you. Do you know how much stuff I got to do in my life? DO YOU?! Well, truth be told, it actually isn't that much. I'm actually quite free to update at least a wee bit everyday. I just like making you wait.

Oh yeah.

Not that I'm a dick mind you, it's just that, no one READS this thing. If I felt it was actually being viewed, I would make an effort to keep it up to date.

So in that case, I actually do have class in about an hour and a half, so I have to get my gear all kitted out and be going soon.

Sorry!

Any means necessary....

2006-01-13T00:18:00.000-06:00

Freedom and liberty
Empire and Tyranny
Convienance and Expediency
By any means necessary

The Barometer is rising
Costs and prices multiplying
Good ol boys ain’t too good at math none
Where’s all this money coming from?

Butts into the benches dear friends
Some gays might see those rear ends
The issues don’t give politics life
Does the candidate fuck his wife?

Only one part of the country counts
They know it too but they’re taken by doubt
Nice young gentleman such as I
Can’t make ends meet by and by

Leave the places that we love
Living the city that money built out of spit n’ grit
Society based on a minimum of standards
Mediocrity and electorate pandered

Democratic deficits always paid in promises
Idealists and realists playing hits and misses
Constitution is coming to pieces
But that’s the idea all powerful justice of the peaces

Freedom and liberty
Empire and Tyranny
Convienance and Expediency
By any means necessary
For a safe and secure… society.

The Year 3000

2006-01-08T21:10:00.000-06:00

Ahhh, what a title.

You see, my improv troupe had its first rendevouz of the year where we discussed the Montreal roadtrip we take every year, possible charity show and performance schedule of the coming new year.

So far we're doing pretty good this academic year, with two packed shows and a dedicated troupe filled with new recruits, I'd say that this all augers well for Carleton Improv.

One of the running gags we had for first practice of the season was that every scene was in the year three thousand.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T00:59:00.000-06:00

To inaugerate this new year, I have most condescendingly decided to post up my latest poem. Aren't you all so very lucky!

It's a work in progress, but essentially it's a culmination of everything I love and hate about this wacky country of ours. Aww... Canada.

WANTING A PURPOSE
By Billy Ruffian
Dec 31. 2005

I’m wanting a purpose for the island called McNab’s
Because the HMS Bellerophon is home to the crabs,
Trying to reconcile the reality of this empire of dirt
Because all that they left me is a sink and a shirt
I regret saying no thanks and embracing the old
As my father was dressing me up in scarlet and gold
I’m walking the old cobble streets of my day
Listening to fishwives complain of their sons who are gay
Usually forget about all the money I’m missing
Because my ladyfriend keeps on railing about how fags are kissing
I tried my hand at some fishing - only caught my old boots
Hand me downs from my brother so I’m true to my roots
The old boy is quite quick with a phrase
He sandblasts you with sarcasm and makes you think that it’s praise
I’m walking the city limits with an eye to the trees
But 1 in 5 citizens keep on asking for no tourists please
I’m watching ships passing in beyond the lookout
Plenty of Spanish fritters, but have you seen any trout?
Europe is shopping for garbage fish and calling it rich
Buttering and cheesing it up for the plate of a bitch
I’m hearing gentleman peanut say bonjour Y’all
As he lets us know we’ve heard the master’s call
And I’m hearing Poet’s talking about mutual respect
But how many of them are just cocks erect?
I’m thinking that it’s ok to plow a single mom in the rear
Because the council of elders have other people to hear
My hands shake so bad when the thirst is on me
Nobody’s perfect, how sober must I be
Can I take advantage of my individual rights?
I belong to a group that will put up a fight
They’ll make you place another seat at the table
So we can draw out another legal fable
I’m watching no one care when a child gets raped
They’re popping up popcorn so they can watch the tape
Why the hell are out teevee’s so obsessed with homos
Rappaport’s yelling “sit down sissy, I’m watching Hollywood promos”
Collected DVD’s of girls going wild for the 10th time in a row
Some knocking boots, a dead separatist and a hick named Beau
Neverland is never coming back and not a moment too soon
I’m shooting that fantasy dead with a broken plate and rusty spoon
Hip Hop’s telling us of the urban jungle and collective fault
While it arrays itself in diamonds mined from Africa’s vault
How many black angels do you think don’t have any arms
Because freedom fighters need to have weapons, not farms
I’m wanting a purpose for all these thoughts in my head
But after awhile I’m just glad I ain’t dead.

Damn me boyo, I need to update

2005-12-19T00:07:00.000-06:00

I need to update like a sourpuss needs some sweet loving.

I promise to do as soon as practicable.

If only there was a word in Wookie for frustration

2005-11-23T00:44:00.000-06:00

About the title, I do a wicked wookie impression. No one can withstand the power of the wookies. No one.

Anyways, as the sharper ones among you have cleverly deduced, I'm a bit stressed.

Well here's the deal. My improv troupe comes to a democratic decision to have our last show of the term on Dec. 9th, 2005. This is all fine and whatnot, but I am part of a running poetry series known as capital slam (which I shall soon be linking onto this blog for you amusement) and capital slam also happens to be on Dec. 9. Improv is a hobby. Poetry is my passion.

I'm weighing the relative merits of each case in my head.

1. Capital Slam can get along without me because there are a variety of artists who bring unique and different styles of performance to the mic. In addition to the 12 slam poets (You have to sign up for a slot, they never take more than 12) there are 3 open mic spots and there is always a featured performer who recites their own poetry for about an hour. So, I'm not necessarily an indispensable cog in the capital slam machine. Valuble, but not a requisite. However, my improv troupe has only 3 veteran members, Noel, Eric and myself and we have developed a very good improv bond. The new members of our team, who I am very proud of, are still just a wee bit awkward. Me being there could help smooth over little rough patchs as well bringing my own personal brand of humour to the performance might make the performance twice as good (please note, if our captain, Noel, or No. 2 man, Eric, were absent, the team would be in chaos. Those two are way more important than I in keeping the team focused and together). I feel more needed with my troupe than I do with my poets.

2. Capital Slam always fills the house. If I go there, I'm guaranteed to get a good audience. Improv's prominence on campus is... well, kinda low. We're good, VERY good, espicially our new people and last time we performed, we did so to a 40+ audience. But there's no guarantee that we'll get a 40+ audience this time.

3. Poetry is difficult to write. It's my passion, my love affair, my affirmation of life. But improv is so much easier, and it's also really really fun. Slam poetry is fun to, but I find my style of poetry is not as popular as say... DJ Morales, or John Akpata. If I go with my troupe, I'll probably have a better time and get appreciated more, but if I go to the slam, I'll be competing and building my street cred.

4. Capital slam isn't obligatory... the same poets don't all show up for every night. And improv is much less frequent and I made a commitment to it at the beginning of the year...

AND SO FORTH,

Needless to say, I decided to perform with the troupe and then see if I could catch the end of the slam after the show.

But other things are on my mind. On Monday I had a "mid-term". Mid-terms are supposed to be in the middle of the term. Not the 3rd week of november. I have no idea what my prof was trying to push on us after giving us two essays for the term as well as a group presentation and then having the gall to call what is essentially an exam this close to the end of term and the beginning of real exams, a mid-term.

I also didn't like the way the test was structured... but if I go off on that, we'll be here all day.

I also spent alot of the day finishing off my essay for the Social History of Alcohol class I am taking. Now, I like this course.... but I must say that this essay I am handing in is not my best work. I don't really forsee anything larger than a B. I tried, but by the time I was able to start looking for resources after finishing off other assignments, all the good sources were taken and I had to completely abandon my original idea and scrape up what was left. I wrote an essay on Alcohol as it relates to criminal activity in the late 20th century and the policies the Canadian government adopted towards it. Good topic, not enough time, an adequate essay.

Speaking of essays, I got one back today and I got a 79%, or a B+. I felt that this was a slap in the face. Had it merely said, B+, I would have accepted that. I would have assumed that it was a middling B+, not a high B+, and not tempt fate by heading in ask for a higher mark. But to hand me a 79, ONE POINT SHORT, of the A- this paper deserved... well, it just got my blood boiling. There were good comments on my essay, and I understand why it could not be an A essay, but dammit man! It deserves to be bumped up a point! It just seems exceedlingly petty to not give me an A-. So anyways, I'm preparing my case after the end of the mandatory 24 hour cooling off period my prof enforces.

Speaking of this essay... I was talking to a girl I was speaking to on the way out of class. She got an A-, but it was two days late so she ended up with a B+. She seemed smart, and she was obviously beautiful. She smoked, but I can live with that. Anyways, we're talking and I think she wouldn't mind seeing where the path could lead and I'm about to ask her out.... and I just get a panic attack.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't ask her out.

I've asked alot of girls out this term... I won't tell you how many because it's embarressing. Why embarressing? They all turned me down. Even excepting the few that already had boyfriends and the one that actually turned out to be gay, that is alot of declining.

I feel like I've lost my confidance. My mojo, if you will. Ancilliary feelings include loneliness and slight depression. Nevertheless, I try my best to maintain a positive attitude... sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. As my friends constantly advise me, cheer up. So I shall do my best in that regard.

Ugh. I wanted to go see Buck 65 tomorrow night at Avant Garde. I really... really... REALLY want to go see him. I was even gonna skip class to go. But I borrowed someone's notes from last week that I still need to copy out tomorrow morning. To ask them to take notes for me again after just returning the ones I had already borrowed... that might be pushing it.

So I might skip I might not. Probably not because I also have a presentation the day after that and I haven't written it yet. Tomorrow is going to be a busy, crazy day. At least all my analytical essays are done. Now all I have left is to write an english essay about this book I read called Fruits of the Earth.

I'd reckon it. A good example of a satisfying read and classic Canadiana. If you believe Canadian culture exists. Most Americans, Europeans and even some Canadians maintain that it does not.

My brother Andrew is going to spend christmas in the UK with our family there before he ships out to Kandahar, so I won't be seeing him this december. But Kalu Kalay, happy day, my brother Adrian is bringing Sara, his rather serious girlfriend, to Ottawa this christmas. This will undoubtably draw attention away from me, for which I am eternally grateful. Mom will probably do the whole smotherfest and pressure them to get married, seeing as how they're living together. Ahh... nothing like living with a Christian Zealot who drinks and smokes like you wouldn't believe.

Dad remains his usual self. Which is to say, his usual weird self. Dad is a weird fella alright, one moment he's cracking bad dad jokes, talking to himself and singing those ridiculous godawful songs that he invented when me and my brothers were children and the next moment he's Mr. No Nonsense Military Man. I guess being in 4 wars and having spent your whole life in the Navy since you were 16 kinda has that strange effect on you.

Mom and Dad plan to take Sara and Ade to L'Ferme Rouge. It's this wicked badass cabaret across the river over in Gatineau. They have the best floor show I've ever seen and some fucking amazing cuisine. I love it there. I of course, have been told that if there's anyone I want to ask to come along, that would be ok, and Dad will naturally pick up the tab.

Now... most times, that would be a cause for joy. But since Sara will be along and of course, my seldom seen bro from the East Coast, I will naturally be a secondary concern on the trip. I like this, but now I have to make a tough choice. Should I try and find a date, or just bring a close friend to talk with while Sara and Ade no doubt suffer the Dual Parent Attack.

It would probably be a shitty first date to bring someone on, and since I've struck out several times this year... publicly, I think the thing to do would be to ask a close friend to attend. But not a dude, that would make people think I was into guys. So right now, I'm thinking of asking my friend Erin, who I used to work with at Subway, or Rebecca, a college buddy, if she hasn't left for Van-City by that time already. The numbers favour Erin though. Besides... I took Rebecca last time we went there.

Tina and Tasj of course, have been suggested. But while they are old high school friends (hell, they're my only high school friends), I don't think Tina's gentleman friend would appreciate it and Tasj just got out of a long term relationship, so I wouldn't want to send a wrong signal on that front.

So Erin is the most likely choice.

My headache is coming back, must be the radiation from the screen (even though it gives off low radiation, apparently) so I had better post this and get to bed. Argh, so much work to do.

And remember, Chewbacca says,

"RRRRWWWWOOOOAARRR!!!!"

The Jazz of Death, It Be-Bops for thee

2005-11-16T23:40:00.000-06:00

Well, I might have been killed tonight, all thanks to Jazz.

After my social history of alcohol class, I decide to go to Mike's place for a half pint. It's only fitting right? I mean, I had to listen for 2 and 1/2 hours about delicious, delicious alcohol, I may as well indulge eh?

But their our two new bartenders, Krista and Stephen. Nice enough people, they were real busy that night, but they were very friendly and talkative when they were free. I decide to forgo my usual half-pint and upgrade to the full pint. I don't know why. I fully intended to quaff the drink and return home post haste... but then I noticed something interesting.

A jazz band was setting up. They called themselves Mo' Jazz. I decided to stay and listen, and even get a second pint, breaking my own personal rule of never having more than one drink. Still, it was delicious Steamwhistler Pilsner and I soon forgave myself as I usually don't stay out late at all and it was nice to just sit and listen to Jazz, an artform that I admittedly know very little about.

I complimented the two beautiful vocalists for that evening, Emily and Xana (short for Alexandria) and even had Xana strike up a pleasant conversation with me, she got me to promise to come back to their Dec. 7 show at Mike's Place @ Carleton university. I duly promised to do so, so long as she came to one of my poetry shows. She said, yeah sure, but when I was giving her my info, her eyes held no spark of interest whatsoever. Which was disappointing, but hey, she's the one that started talking to me, not the other way around, so she had no one to blame but herself for my being boring. Perhaps when I see them on Dec. 7, I can convince them to come to my Dec. 10 improv performance at Res Commons.

Perhaps.

So I go outside and wait for the 4 hurdman so I can go to hurdman, connect on the 95 Orleans. I wait a short bit, get on and we are two stops away from hurdman when a surprise happens.

Now, someone had been hitting the stop button every stop. It was weird. Sometimes the driver wouldn't stop at the stop and I'd look behind me to see if anyone complained. No. No one did. Odd. Very odd.

Had we stopped at one of those stops, the dreadful accident might have been avoided. But no. We did not stop.

The 4 hurdman was hit by the 85. Now, I was sitting on a parallel sit that lets you look out straight from the window opposite you, I see the 85 turning into us. I knew we had no time to get away. I yell, "Get away from the Gla-" But it was too late. The 85 hit us. It struck us just before the bendy part of the bus.

Buses in Ottawa are doubles, meaning they have an extra carriage tacked on to the back and are twice as long. They are able to make turns because at the place where they join there is a flexy, bendy part of the bus that is kind of like a pendulum that stops immediately once it comes back to the centre.

Had the 85 hit the bendy mid section, at the speed it was going (and it wasn't even going that fast, maybe.... 15, 20 klicks, tops) I reckon it would have tore through the mid section and killed the 3 people sitting in those shitty chairs they put there.

Not a good way to good. Thankfully, they hit the point just before the bendy part. The whole part of the 4 that was hit was torn up pretty bad. The top of the window at the point of impact was knocked down and hit the poor fella who was sitting there in the head. He is SO lucky the glass didn't shatter.

When the bus came to a complete stop, I got up and said, "hold still, let me see the back of your head." He let me see. He says "Is it bleeding?"

Thankfully, it isn't. I search for sweeling, bruising or anything else. I find only a small bump.

I ask him "Do you feel dizzy, or sleepy? If you do, you might have a concussion."

He says no, he says he's just surprised. The driver asks if he is alright. I tell the driver he's fine.

I step off the bus. Rightly sensing that the driver had already radioed for help, I leave the scene and walk to hurdman. The surprised gentleman I was worried about joins me there about 3 or 4 minutes after I arrive. He tells me that he was asked to sign a release form after refusing to go to the hospital. I again ask him if he is ok. He continues to maintain that he is alright.

I feel that it is no longer my responsibility, I tell him to take it easy, and I hope that we never are put into that situation again.

He concurs.

I pass the rest of my bus journey in ease as I step on the 95 Orleans.

I arrive home about 20 minutes later to cold fish, MMMMMM, a taste of Nova Scotia, my home province.

I heat it up. No man should have to eat cold fish, no matter what the Samurai and their Emperor think. Fish is no good cold! Or raw for that matter. Silly Samurai.

And all of this could have been avoided if I hadn't been so interested in hearing some Jazz, making friends with my new bartenders and talking to hot hot Xana, who will probably forget about me even though I could have been killed because of her smooth, sexy, jazzy voice.

Oh well. That's life.

Oh, by the way, since OC Transpo (The bus company in Ottawa) has most of its drivers talking about strike (And thus robbing me of my only way to school) and have consistently driven past me, screaming and waving, as I wait at a seldom used bus stop and are usually late to ALL of their stops anyways, I hope that the guy driving the 85 gets so fired and can never find bus driving work again. The bus drivers of Ottawa really infuriate me sometimes, espicially since I make such a concerted effort to smile at them and say good morning and good night everytime I get on or off the front door.

So that was my night. Booze, Jazz and danger. What an adventure.

2005-11-14T01:33:00.000-06:00

This is the inaugural post of Caer Naradhaigh.

Don't you feel dumb for reading it?

You don't?

Oh, well it appears that I shall have to undertake a concerted effort to destroy your self confidance.

Or not, it depends on whether or not there is something good on TV.